Because I Haven't Blogged

As stated on my facebook, you know you have quality friends when they buy you a Cosmo pillow pet for Christmas even though you're an adult.  Also when you're on a drive home from a movie and the only thing your friend says the whole way is "You're welcome a-hole" to an inconsiderate and impolite driver.

Negative friend points for everyone dressing up for karaoke without telling you.  It's just wrong.

Also, I kind of hate karaoke.

There are three things that can happen when you're somewhere you don't want to be.  One, you leave and are happy to be home.  Two, you stay and start to enjoy yourself.  Three, you stay and hate that you stayed.  Last night was mostly a two.  Like I said, karaoke is not my thing, but I have insanely talented friends that make good song choices.

Karaoke songs inspired me to create a new Pandora station that is insanely eclectic but also amazing.

I do not like hipsters.  Go away hipsters.

Guru's sweet potato fries are good, but they're not as insane as everyone makes them out to be.

I miss Jimmer.

And Jackson.

I have a new roommate named Sophie who is kind of the bomb, but a little bit of a grouch today.

First world problem: there is too much new content online during the week and not enough during the weekend.

This is Sarah's new boyfriend Viper who dedicated a song to her at karaoke last night.  Great song choice (Johnny's Daddy), but he butchered it beyond recognition.

I Feel Nauseous

I want to make it clear that this is not a personal attack in any way shape or form.  *Ahem* moving on.

Yesterday a friend of mine pinned this picture on Pinterest.

On first glance, I'm ok with this.  That's a pretty good motto to actually work instead of just complaining.  Can I stop here and tell you that I'm aware that I don't have a good pretty body and I probably never will?  I just felt that was relevant.  

Then I actually looked at this picture and I hated it.  Is this girl healthy thin or is she overly thin?  I'm sure some people have bodies where the shape and weight of the girl in this picture is ok.  Maybe.  Now I'm less sure.  Can you see that her hip bones are actually holding her underwear away from her body?  I've never seen that before in my life.  Is this the standard for having a good body?  Gah.  I don't usually complain about magazine covers and movie stars' thinness, but this is too much for me.  

I decided to research this picture a little bit rather than just rant and it just got worse and worse.  The girl who writes the blog/tumblr that this picture came from is not tiny thin.  She's working on losing weight and exercising more (which I fully support), but her motivational pictures are awful. 

(she actually got this picture from a different girl's blog that's focusing on starving herself and says "if your stomach is grumbling it means you're succeeding")

I'm going to stop posting these because they make me hate myself and hate everyone else. 

A Collection of Random Thoughts

My life is insanely busy these days.  I am teaching and it is exhausting and rewarding and the best thing ever (aside from Harry Potter and BYU sports).

Something that is absolutely disgusting that you might not think about: steaming football players.  Please allow me to explain.  The last two home games have been exceedingly cold.  They have the heaters set up on the sidelines and all the fans are wearing four thousand layers (which gives you negative chest points).  Then one of the linemen comes off the field and removes his helmet, and you see more than his breath.  You see steam coming off of his head and neck and it is so gross.  Without seeing it, it's hard to understand how disgusting it actually is. Ok, I'll stop now.

Listen, I know you'll think I'm crazy but I can recognize Jimmer based on the way he moves his body.  Jimmer hangs out on the field during the football games and during the last few games he's been hidden under various layers of clothes and hats.  Usually I just look for him standing near Whitney before the game, but then there's so many people to watch (Andrew Rich, Riley Nelson, etc etc) and I lose sight of him among all the other people dressed in navy and gray.  Except that I can find Jimmer.  I've spent so much time watching Jimmer play and be on the sidelines and interviews and stuff, that I can tell it's him just by the way he moves his head and body.  Go ahead and laugh at my insanity, but it's the truth.

I've added something to the mental pseudo-list I have about future boyfriends/spouse.  It is important that the person knows how to use a well placed swear.  Some people swear gratuitously (I think I might be one of them) and some people don't swear at all (which I respect, but I think it might be a little up-tight).  However, the ability to confidently use a swear word on appropriate occasions is something I find attractive in a man.  Now judge me.

I guess I should just quit blogging while I'm not even really ahead, but before I get further behind.

What My Parents Did

Wal-Mart came to my school on Friday to do a quick assembly that was essentially them trying to get us to love Wal-Mart.  It was mostly pointless, but 10 teachers were chosen by random drawing to get a $100 dollar gift card to buy things for their classroom.  I'll be honest, I was hoping to be chosen, but wasn't bitter when I wasn't.  In the teacher's lounge during lunch people were talking about what they'd spend theirs on and they weren't exactly sure what they'd want to buy had they won or anything.  I, however, knew exactly what I wanted.  Art supplies for my kids.  

Thanks to a generous mom we have a whole load of construction paper which is helpful.  Our class also has some off brand markers and colored pencils along with glue because of 1 cent back to school deals at various stores.  A previous teacher left a tray of crayons and I donated what art supplies I had at home (except for anything glass, my nice watercolors, and a hot glue gun) to the classroom.  We were doing ok.  Thing is, art is extremely important to me (to make a well rounded person, to give a chance for kids that don't succeed and thrive academically to be the best, etc) and I wanted to have the opportunity to do amazing things this year.

I told all the previous to my mom when chatting with her Friday evening (yes, I still talk to my mom every day).  The next morning I got a text message at about 7:30, "Up?"  Rather than reply I just called her and asked what she wanted (in a nice way, I promise).  "Congratulations, you win a $150 gift card."  I had only been awake about five minutes at this point and was confused, "Huh?"  "You win $150 dollars courtesy of dad and mom to buy art supplies for your classroom!"  Being an eloquent and intelligent human being I naturally replied, "Shut. Up."  Then I got up and squealed a little and did a happy dance by myself.  So, I haven't spent any of the money yet and I'm not positive what I'm going to buy, but my kids are going to do art this year!  Many many thanks to my lovely mother and father. 

Not A Parody

Step 1: Watch this.

Step 2: Go back and finish watching it because chances are you didn't watch it all the way through the first time.  You really need to watch it all to fully appreciate the amount of winking and and sheer volume of 90s boy band costumes.

Step 3: Wonder how the mighty  have fallen this far.  Yes, Lance Bass is "overseeing" this group.

Step 4: Hope it's a parody and you've misunderstood.

Step 5: Realize it's not a parody.

Step 6: Go make sure your food storage is up to date because the world is about to end.

(Listen, I loved 90s boy bands.  I listened to many of them and that was my go to music.  I fell for the dreamy matching outfits each with a unique twist to fit that band member's personality.  It's true that they were cheesy, who cares.  It's true that some of them couldn't sing and sometimes the talent was minimal, that's ok.  This band is taking everything that was not so great about 90s boy bands, magnifying it times 20 [really? that hair?!] and sending it forth to YouTube.)

Bad Fans

I need to preface this post with a disclaimer saying that I have nothing against this gentleman.

(That's Riley Nelson with the long hair for those of you not on the up-and-up with BYU football players). 

I mean really, did you even read my last post about football?  Clearly I have nothing against him.  Also, in the game last night he ROCKED IT OUT.  We owe a lot of the credit for our last minute victory to Riley and his willingness to take a hit and ability to think on his feet.  He's a great quarterback.  Ok, disclaimer over.

People need to shut the hell up about Jake Heaps.  First of all, he's a tiny infant child (meaning, he's extremely young) and gets flustered.  We wish he wouldn't, but it happens.  I got distracted, I need to get back to the point.

Stop being crap fans.  Don't chant for Riley when Jake is in.  Honestly, do you think that improves his game play?   I'm sure your performance would improve if the people who are supposed to be on your side are cheering against you.  Also, never boo your own team (didn't happen at this game, but it did against UCF).  Every time the lousy fans decided it was a good idea to chant "Riley Riley" I was filled with rage.  If you're a good fan support your team NO MATTER WHAT.  Even though I think Heaps has it in him, do I cheer against Nelson?  No, I cheer for whoever the coaches decide to put in.  I feel so bad for Jake.  When you can get out there and do better then you are welcome to talk bad about him all you want.  

I know some of my friends and not just acquaintances are guilty of the Jake hate and especially of Riley worship (dear Provo, he's not the second-coming).  Perhaps this post offends you.  I don't care.  Perhaps you feel this is a direct attack on you.  It probably is.  It's not pointed at one particular person, but it is pointed.  

Rant over. 

Trashy People

It seems that the weekend is the only time I can find to blog so I am just on a blogging binge...what can I do, I have things to say.  I know I already ranted and I know it was lengthy, but I have another one.  This one, though, will be much shorter.  I promise think.  

Trashy people get on my nerves.  I know that in your mind you're thinking of scantily clad clubbers in pleather mini-skirts.  Definitely trashy, but definitely not what I'm talking about.  I mean people that leave trash around or don't throw trash away.  We're all guilty on occasion of piling the kitchen or bathroom trash a little too high so I would be a hypocrite for going on about that, but I try to generally be clean.  (I should note right now that this post has nothing to do with my roommates).  

On Friday morning at about 7:15 I got on the elevator in my building to head to work.  What greeted me (other than the arm chair that someone put there a couple of weeks ago)?  Two bags of kitchen garbage.  Seriously?  We have an elevator and you're so lazy you can't even take your garbage to the dumpster?  Nasty.

Our HOA is kind enough to to provide us with two garbage cans in the parking garage.  They're really useful when you have a fast food bag filled with gum wrappers from your car or need to toss out your junk mail.  Some people, though, abuse them, piling them high with Costco boxes and regular trash.  Approximate distance from trash can to actual dumpster?  Less than 20 steps.  I checked.  So, trashy folks, walk your big garbage over and threw it in so we can all utilize the little cans.  

Gee whiz, I'm bugged.