Resolutions

This year I'm making three resolutions.  And yeah, I'm blogging them.  All aboard the cliche blogging train - choo choo!

1) Stay in better contact with the people I actually care about.  This specifically extends to Ashley and Megan, but also to people like Brittany (who I actually feel frequently connected to via twitter), Jeff, the Francs (like, occasionally text them not about Buffy or Joss Whedon being the boss of me) and a few others.  I feel awkward mentioning names.  Maybe I should take that out.  Or maybe I'll just tell awkward to kiss my ass.
*edit: I just realized (after getting her comment) that I didn't put Britt on here.  Perhaps it's because I've been afraid to contact her since my seriously awkward email (even though I want to congratulate her on being employee of the year at her job), or some subconscious asshole maneuver or whatever.  The point is, Britt is included in the list of people with whom I want to communicate more frequently.

2) Blog and journal more frequently or at least with some consistency. I actually like blogging, my life is just boring and busy.  And I like journaling (ever since I started typing it instead of writing it a few years ago).  I think journaling specifically helps ground me sometimes.  Who knows, maybe if I blog more I'll get funny again.

3) Lose 20 pounds.  I know this doesn't seem like much, but there it is.  I wanted to make it realistic and not insanely hard, but also not too easy.  If you're fat you can lose five pounds by accident because five pounds isn't even that much.  Losing 20 and actually keeping it off will require actual work, but not insane promises I'm never going to keep like giving up the Hershey nuggets in my desk drawer at school.

Honorable mention (meaning I haven't decided if I want to do these yet):
1) Wear makeup at least 4 days a week (unless I don't have to work).
2) Do my hair with something other than 2 bobby pins once a week (ditto the not work thing from above)

There you go.

Going Away Parties Are the Worst

I capitalized all the words in my title.  It's a title and a sentence so get over it.

Before you ask (even though you've already thought it) yeah, I'm in a bad mood right now.  I'm actually blogging because I had this blog thought before the day went to hell.  Not the point of this post, moving on.

Last night I had a going away shin-dig of sorts.  It wasn't big and it wasn't a huge deal, but I'm leaving my life here presumably forever and I kind of wanted to see some people before I went.  It was by no means a perfect party.  Like, there was the awkward beginning part when people showed up and I didn't even know their names and that was strange, but whatevs.  Then it got a little later and became the best part of the week.  People from my old ward showed up (and Preston hung around and he's one of the few people from this ward that I like to tolerate even a little).  I was reminded that people liked my personality sometimes.  It was cool.

Funny but unrelated picture to break up the monotony of text. 

And then an interesting thing happened.  Someone mentioned that I had disappeared.  That it had been about a year since I hung out with any of them or went to a movie night or whatever.  It's true.  Sure I left the ward, but this is Provo and I live three blocks away.  I started thinking and consciously realized how massively depressed I've been for almost a year.  It's not cool to talk about mental illness/issues in public, but I'm doing it.  I'm not saying nothing good happened to me over the past year or that I never had moments of gladness (my mom surprised me for my birthday, remember? And I loved my job so there's that.), but overall it's been kind of a shit-hole of a year.  Probably part of me realized that which is why I'm headed home to Virginia...but that's a different story.

More lulz.

I just wanted to take this time and moment to thank those people who still showed up at my going away party even though I have been horribly absent for a year.  It's not that I didn't like you, I just didn't like anyone or something.  I don't know how it works because I haven't worked it through all the way yet.  But I wasn't forgotten.  A year later, these people still thought enough of me to come spend a few hours and eat my food (I love when people eat my food.  It's my one talent) and laugh with me. Big fat sappy thanks to all of you.  Especially the few of you who made it extra hard to leave.  Which is where the title of this post comes from.  Now I remember that I love these people and still have to leave them anyway.  Dammit.

For Reasons

The other day my roommate Megan (who I love and is the bright spot in the aforementioned desperate loneliness) blogged about things she hated and why.  While I agree with some of the things she said (I think roses are overdone too) orange is one of my most favorite colors.  In fact, I have a bright orange t-shirt that I wear about once a week.  It's not that flashy neon orange that's all over Claire's and Forever 21 right now, just a solid bright traffic cone orange shirt. And I love it.

After reading Megan's post I thought about getting offended for approximately half a second, but then I didn't.  You see, Megan is a great human.  She's a nice, quirky girl with opinions and feelings just like everyone else.  Megan just happens to hate orange. And I love orange.  And I love that shirt.  But she wasn't directly attacking it.

Just like I'm not attacking her when I say I hate skinny jeans in all colors on every person no matter their body type or leg length or gender.  Just, no.  Skinny jeans are SO awful in my opinion.  Megan loves skinny jeans.  To her, they are comfy and cute.

JUXTAPOSITION!!!

And that's what this friendship is.  I've been in friendships in the past (many) where I felt the need to like or dislike whatever my friends liked or disliked (I acknowledge this is mostly in my fault).  Oh, your favorite color is fuchsia?  Mine too.  You hate flip-flops?  Same with me. (Both of those are OBVIOUSLY hypothetical examples).  With Megan, though, it's ok that I like orange and she likes skinny jeans and she likes records and I like pop radio and she likes mustaches and I feel kind of pissed that the hipsters have made them so popular because what's the big deal with a hairy lip anyway.  We're insanely different, but we make it work.  And it's nice.

Heartbreak

You've perhaps noticed (and I'm sure it helped that I explicitly mentioned) the somber and subdued tone of my blog posts lately.  Admittedly, they're sometimes fiery and resentful, but none of that happy, silly, laughing stuff for the last few months.  I want to tell you why.  Mostly because I want to admit "out loud" to someone why.

My heart is broken.

Once upon a time I had a best friend for about five years.  I wasn't her best friend, but she was mine.  We did many things together.  It was grand. I found actual moments of happiness which is something hard for me.  Many (but not all) of our interests and ideas matched with one another.  We were the same, but different.

Then something happened.  I honest to goodness don't know what it was, but something happened.  And now, that friendship is gone.  Past.  Over.  I just looked at my text message history yesterday.  There has been zero communication since April 30th.

I suspected and feared the end might have been coming since February 25th when I ate my first birthday cake in years all alone (excepting for my mom and Megan (who didn't even know me then) singing a feeble, but well-meaning wish of happiness) and sobbed for hours.  I was afraid the end was coming, but I clung to what I could in every way I could think to do it.

At times I resorted to drastic and impulsive measures that likely made things worse.

And now, here I sit.  After more than a month with no communication, after a much longer period of pure dread, all alone.

Lonely.

Truly heartbroken.

Call Me, Maybe

Parts of this post are probably going to be embarrassing, but I'm still posting it.  Because that's how life is.

A few weeks ago (probably four) Megan and I decided to go to institute.  What was so good to lure us there on a Thursday night?  Carrabba's was catering.  Nom.  Naturally approximately 494,000 people showed up so we were forced to watch the meeting on a television in one of the Relief Society rooms.  Written on the chalkboard were the lyrics to Call Me Maybe with a phone number. Naturally, because I am exceedingly silly and witty, I texted the number "Hey, Maybe."  (Get it?  Really, it's not that funny but it was more interesting than what was going on at institute).

Is she wearing tights or are her legs that pale?

The person on the other end was confused and thought I had the wrong number so I explained that a friend had probably written his/her number on the board with the lyrics and I was a stranger texting.  My new found text friend immediately knew the culprit and chuckled a little.  I found out this stranger's name was Chris and he lived near the chapel, but not in my stake (oh Provo, you crazy place).  

Over the next few days I heard from Chris (via text) a couple of times to tell me that two other people (both dudes) had texted him and our small talk turned into get to know you talk.  We started trying to find someone we both knew or a connection we had, but it proved nearly impossible.  When I found out Chris was a math grad student I asked if he knew my home teacher (who is a math grad student as well).  He didn't, but I realized my mistake a second too late.  Here comes the embarrassing part.  I had given a first and last name of someone I know and am facebook friends with.  And my name is unique.  Now Chris could probably easily find me and then he'd see what I look like and our text flirting would cease and it was nice to flirt with a boy because that doesn't happen in my life.  Listen, I know I'm awkward and weird and that I shouldn't be so insecure, but I am.  I also realize that boys don't do facebook stalking quite the same way as girls do (or as frequently).  

After running across my apartment screaming "Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!" Megan tried to console me, but that didn't work out so well.  So, we started trying to facebook stalk Chris instead.  Chris had mentioned the name of a friend with a unique spelling, so we started with that friend and then looked for friends of that person named Chris (see, girls are great at this).  Megan found one she decided was the guy: a suave looking ginger-kid with a profile picture taken by a photographer friend.  

As that night went on and Chris and I were still unsuccessful in our attempt to find a mutual acquaintance, he suggested becoming facebook friends.  I freaked out further and under Megan's direction changed my profile picture to something more attractive and less silly.  Turns out that the Chris Megan found was the Chris I had been talking to. 

To my truthful surprise, communication did not end once we became facebook friends.  I met Chris at his ward's softball game later that week and he was friendly and handsome.  Then I went all insecure as the game ended and Megan and I left.  I said something about "Well, I hope to hear from you again" and he acted like it was the most absurd thing anyone had ever said. 

This seems stupid, right?  To be that insecure about yourself that meeting someone in person makes you think they will stop communicating with you?  It's real life.  I'm not exaggerating.  

That weekend Chris and I went to Red Lobster and watched what is probably the most brilliant show on television, Duck Dynasty.  Seriously, that show is a gem.  

After writing this post I was getting a lot of unexpected negative feedback that created drama and further heartbreak in my life.  It was a painful situation.  Chris saw the post and commented that he liked it and that it showed that I was not "fluffy" as some ElEd folks tend to be.  It was a nice respite from all the awfulness.   

This post is getting excessively long so I'll try to sum up the rest quickly.  I found Chris charming and attractive.  He didn't hate me.  We hung out a few more times.  At one point he helped Megan study while I tutored her sister and it was really fun for some reason.  Chris has an amazing ward and fantastic friends that I got to meet at a barbecue and softball game (which was freezing cold despite the fact that it is now the summer).  I don't think I've ever met a more friendly and welcoming group of people.  Chris is a great (and inordinately fun) person.  So there it is.  My fairly embarrassing, but an interesting to tell the blogging world story.  Maybe it seems that I was placing too much hope? pressure? something on this situation.  Not so.  It was just awesome to go on an actual date, to flirt with some guy as not a joke, and to have a fun time.  And in the end? I'm exceedingly lucky because I got a friend out of the situation.  

On Religion

The LDS Church is losing YSA (that's young single adult, for those less informed) members at a rapid rate.  I've seen some sources refer to the loss as "bleeding" or even "hemorrhaging" members from this demographic.  Here's a link to just one article that quotes Elder Marlin Jensen in case you're not believing me: article.

I want to share with you a conversation I was privy to awhile ago that I think exposes some of the reasons these members are leaving at such a rapid rate.  All names are changed (and some context) to protect the innocent.

Mary, Jane, and Anna are girls in their early twenties living in Provo.  The three had been having another conversation that eventually led to the topic of religion.  Anna is on the outside edge of current Mormonism and has been struggling to find her faith for 18 months or so and is instead finding more questions than answers.

When the topic of Proposition 8 comes up Anna mentions that the Church should not have, in her opinion, gotten involved in campaigning against it and that she doesn't care if gays get married or not.  Mary is quiet, Jane is vocal.  Jane says that the prophet (and apostles) should be followed exactly and they stood so adamantly and specifically against it that she can't help but following.  Mary expresses her belief that it doesn't matter much whether gays get married or not citing this graph.

Where then, queries Jane, do you draw the line and decide you will and won't listen to the prophets?  Questioning can lead to too much questioning, she warns, and you should follow with exactness.  Anna is interested and expresses her frustration with that sentiment as as a reason she can't realign with the church.  Where can someone like Anna discuss her problems?  Go to the scriptures says Jane.  What about things the scriptures don't address?  Jane suggests talking to the bishop.  Anna expresses her frustration that these roads lead to few actual answers and mostly ideas of "pray more often."  

The conversation gets more heated, though not argumentative.  Anna brings up topics that bother her (which I won't site here lest it bring up questions for someone that doesn't want them) and Jane responds to some.  Most often with ideas about following the prophets and just staying aligned until we know more and how things are uncertain.  Anna compares blindly following that strictly to "drinking poison kool-aid" a la Jim Jones, but to a lesser degree.  Mary chimes in and says it's different because the prophets will never ask someone to drink poison kool-aid.  Anna asks how she can be sure.  Both Jane and Mary affirm that men led by God wouldn't do something like that. 

Anna again goes back to the questions in the church's past that seem strange and asks about the prophets and apostles being human and where the line of human error is drawn.  The conversation is getting more heated and Mary is visibly frustrated.  Anna turns to Jane and says that the conversation should probably stop as Mary is getting offended (these three are friends, remember?).  Mary asks what Anna expects when she attacks her beliefs and shoots them down left and right.  The situation deteriorates from there. 

Here's an unrelated picture of a basset hound puppy to break up the monotony of the text. 

There's the story.  Not many specific details, I know, but enough for you to follow my line of thought...I think.  So, we have these three girls.  Anna, the "struggler" and Jane and Mary the "in line with the standards and beliefs of the church" members.  All three living in the Provo bubble of Mormondom.  None of the girls are breaking any major church rules or commandments (I mean, who doesn't break some rule at some point by listening to a song they shouldn't or whatever.  No one is perfect).  

I think the point of this is my desire to highlight Anna's predicament.  In this conversation she is among friends trying to honestly discuss religion.  The reason Anna chooses to push and ask Mary and Jane her questions is not to try and sway them or to attack their beliefs, but to have someone push back on her.  There is no forum for that.  Anna can go to the Church that is not very specific on many many things and frowns on questioning or can look to sources on the internet which are predominantly written by ex-Mormons trying to draw others away.  When Anna tried to have this conversation with her friends at least one of them was offended and got defensive at Anna's apparent attack on her beliefs.  

What, then, is Anna to do?  Where is she to go?  She's in the Provo bubble with not very many people to talk to about the situation and some serious issues to be worked out.  Here's my point.  No one is looking after this group of young adults: not their bishops, not their friends, not their families, no one.  So they're left alone.  What happens when they're left alone?  They feel alienated and leave the church that they don't see as caring for them or providing answers to their questions; they leave the church of their childhood.  And that's just sad.  

I know you love my random breaking up the monotony pictures. 

My recommendation?  When your friends let you know they have questions or they don't believe in God or they're struggling with the idea of following the prophet then love them.  Love them so much they might die of so much love.  And don't be easy on them.  Push.  Ask what they believe and why they believe it.  Get them to defend their belief or disbelief.  Don't smother them, of course.  Don't push when they're in a state of irritation.  Similarly, don't avoid the topic of religion.  Not talking about Jesus just because they're in the room or not praying at a meal they're invited to is probably not helpful.  It doesn't show that religion is important to you and sets no example for the Anna's in the world.  Lastly, try and be kind and understanding to these people.  Know that in most cases they're not people looking for a reason to be wicked or a way to justify their sins.  Most likely something bad happened to them or in their life and it made them question and they got lost.  Help them back, don't leave them in the cold.  There's no one else out there to take care of the Anna's in your life if you don't do it.  If the Marys and the Janes don't come forward then it's likely that no one will and most of the Annas will be lost. 

On Anger

*Note: I wrote and rewrote this post several times and it was originally much more lengthy, but I just wanted to get to the point, thus you have this condensed post.

I want to let you know up front (for those Mormons who read my blog) that I've been planning this post in my head for probably 24 hours or so and it's pure coincidence that this topic was brought up somewhat this morning.

Moving on.  I've been thinking about anger a lot over the last few days.  Anger and hot-tempers run in my family. We're grudge holders and yellers and silent-treatment givers and at times hitters. I know all about anger.

Sometimes you're angry and you have good reason.  This is called being justified in your anger.  I've been sitting around angry, in a way I feel is justified, for weeks.  In my mind people have done things directly against me and I have the right to be angry.

And you know what? You (I) can do that.  I'm fine if you (I) do that, I feel like it's a reasonable thing to do, but here's the thing.  You're only hurting yourself.  Nobody actually gives a shit if you're angry.  So do it.  Sit there and be angry because you deserve to be and people are mean to you.  But realize you're going to be sitting there all alone and no one is going to come to realize they've been mean and apologize.

My new found knowledge?  Just let it go.  Fake it 'til you make it if you need to, but show that meanness or whatever isn't going to destroy your life.  Keep being nice to the people that are hurting you and then maybe they'll stop hurting you.

Because I Haven't Blogged

As stated on my facebook, you know you have quality friends when they buy you a Cosmo pillow pet for Christmas even though you're an adult.  Also when you're on a drive home from a movie and the only thing your friend says the whole way is "You're welcome a-hole" to an inconsiderate and impolite driver.

Negative friend points for everyone dressing up for karaoke without telling you.  It's just wrong.

Also, I kind of hate karaoke.

There are three things that can happen when you're somewhere you don't want to be.  One, you leave and are happy to be home.  Two, you stay and start to enjoy yourself.  Three, you stay and hate that you stayed.  Last night was mostly a two.  Like I said, karaoke is not my thing, but I have insanely talented friends that make good song choices.

Karaoke songs inspired me to create a new Pandora station that is insanely eclectic but also amazing.

I do not like hipsters.  Go away hipsters.

Guru's sweet potato fries are good, but they're not as insane as everyone makes them out to be.

I miss Jimmer.

And Jackson.

I have a new roommate named Sophie who is kind of the bomb, but a little bit of a grouch today.

First world problem: there is too much new content online during the week and not enough during the weekend.

This is Sarah's new boyfriend Viper who dedicated a song to her at karaoke last night.  Great song choice (Johnny's Daddy), but he butchered it beyond recognition.

Bad Fans

I need to preface this post with a disclaimer saying that I have nothing against this gentleman.

(That's Riley Nelson with the long hair for those of you not on the up-and-up with BYU football players). 

I mean really, did you even read my last post about football?  Clearly I have nothing against him.  Also, in the game last night he ROCKED IT OUT.  We owe a lot of the credit for our last minute victory to Riley and his willingness to take a hit and ability to think on his feet.  He's a great quarterback.  Ok, disclaimer over.

People need to shut the hell up about Jake Heaps.  First of all, he's a tiny infant child (meaning, he's extremely young) and gets flustered.  We wish he wouldn't, but it happens.  I got distracted, I need to get back to the point.

Stop being crap fans.  Don't chant for Riley when Jake is in.  Honestly, do you think that improves his game play?   I'm sure your performance would improve if the people who are supposed to be on your side are cheering against you.  Also, never boo your own team (didn't happen at this game, but it did against UCF).  Every time the lousy fans decided it was a good idea to chant "Riley Riley" I was filled with rage.  If you're a good fan support your team NO MATTER WHAT.  Even though I think Heaps has it in him, do I cheer against Nelson?  No, I cheer for whoever the coaches decide to put in.  I feel so bad for Jake.  When you can get out there and do better then you are welcome to talk bad about him all you want.  

I know some of my friends and not just acquaintances are guilty of the Jake hate and especially of Riley worship (dear Provo, he's not the second-coming).  Perhaps this post offends you.  I don't care.  Perhaps you feel this is a direct attack on you.  It probably is.  It's not pointed at one particular person, but it is pointed.  

Rant over. 

Priorities

Fact: I have some pretty awesome friends.  These friends have their priorities sorted out just right most of the time.

Examples-

- Sarah's rant about skinny jeans (and the blessed return of flares) on her blog.  I pretty much want to copy paste the whole thing here because she said everything right on.

- Brittany said I can be BFF with Tim Gunn and she's ok with that.

- Lastly, the one that inspired this post.  I was talking about how stressed I would be if I got a teaching job with less than a week until school starts.  Niccole's first question, "Is this going to affect my football season?  I mean, like, you'll be stressed and stuff."  Then she tried to cover up that her concern over the massive amounts of stress would be the functionality of our football seating group and attendance.  Little did she know that things like that are exactly why I like her.

On a totally unrelated note, I keep thinking of things to blog, but they're frequently Harry Potter related and I'm trying not to overwhelm you.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

I guess it's time to face the music and blog about the movie.  I really was trying to avoid it, but Niccole specifically requested (via comment on Sarah's blog) my opinions and who am I to turn down a chance to voice my opinion?  You can call me a copycat if you want, but I'm going to go short bullet point style because it's easiest and I can jump around as thoughts come to me.

- I haven't sobbed yet.  I feel sad but the first time I was too hyped up on caffeine and the second time I was trying to get over throwing up a cheese dog.  TMI? Yes, I think so.  I feel sad and I feel the Harry shaped hole in my life, but I have yet to cry my eyes out during the movie (though I did tear up repeatedly both times).

-Not helpful: my dad comparing my sadness to his as a kid when the took Roadrunner off the air.  Thanks for minimizing my pain, dad.

- Only slightly related: Hopefully I'm going to Alamo Drafthouse with my sister when I go home to see the movie and eat the Harry Potter themed food including Amorentia.  I'll update you.

- The beginning was perfect.  I loved how there weren't logos or sound effects it just went straight from trailer into Harry Potter.

- Oh my gosh all action all the time! I was afraid of falling asleep during the movie the first time (because really, movies make me sleepy) but I needn't have worried because you'd have to be dead to sleep.  I suppose it's time to get specific.

- First thing that bothered me: Why didn't Harry fix his wand?  Is he just all of a sudden ok with having Draco's wand?  I think not.  Dear Harry, fix the stupid pheonix and holly wand so you can be Harry Potter.

- I thought Daniel Radcliffe rocked the epilogue.  The others did well, but he rocked it.

- One friend blogged that the way Naigini attacked Snape repeatedly was too graphic and violent, I thought it was appropriately so.

- I could have done with more verbal spells.  I wanted Harry to have that final expelliarmus.  I also wanted Harry to get to explain to Voldemort why and how he was wrong and why his plan failed and to rub in his humanity by calling him Tom.  Also, I wasn't a fan of the blowing away in the wind of Voldemort as he died.  It made me think of the dust storm Quirrel/Voldemort for Sorcerer's Stone in which case he wasn't really dead.

- I've never been a huge Snape fan, but this movie made me a believer out of me.  I still think he's mostly evil and self-interested, but the movie redeemed him a little.

- Why in the world did his memories come out of his tears?  Weird.  Also, the pensieve was all strange this time.

- I know I'm coming across ultra-critical right now, but I LOVED this movie.  I'm ready to see it for the third time.  One thing I loved: Harry hiding among the students in the Great Hall then confronting Snape.  I thought it was very stunning.

- The twins crying and having their moment on the roof is so tender to me, but why didn't we address Fred being dead a little more directly?

- Where did Blaise Zabini disappear to?

- Also, what happened to the Hallows story line?  If you read the book you know Harry's cloak is THE invisibility cloak, but that wasn't addressed.  In fact, the whole uniting the Hallows plot didn't even exist.

- Ditto Dumbledore's past.  I was wondering if they would make it seem like he loved Gridewald (which didn't come across in the book).

- Why does my dad (and apparently other people) think they wanted the audience to believe that Snape was Harry's dad?  How dare you sully the name of Lilly Potter that way.

- Going into the forest scene?  Oh my gosh I was going to die.  All the people he loved were there and his momma and his dad and it was so precious.  I wish he had hugged Ron before he left.

- Thank you movie makers for giving us a look into the Chamber of Secrets for horcrux destruction.

- My friend Sam is a hater and blogged about it.  It's depressing.  He basically called out everybody having a sad heart over the end of their childhood and dresser-uppers and said JKR isn't that great of a writer.  Rant over on that.

- I loved the Snape flashbacks, but I wanted a little more.  I think I want a lot because I'm such a fan of the books.

- Like Sarah, Hermione as Bellatrix was amazingly done.  Helena Bonham Carter is pure genius and so scary.

- McGonagall is such a BAMF.  She was funny and also amazing and hardcore.  Loved when she called the statues to protect Hogwarts.  Also loved Seamus.

- I don't know what else to say right now.  I have an opinion on pretty much every part so if you have a specific question please ask.

Sidenote: most overused costumes are Luna and Trelawney.

P.S. This is my 199th post.  I didn't do anything for 100, what should I do for 200?

It's That Important

I need to explain to you what Harry Potter means to me and why it's so important.  Because it is.  You can say that to you Harry is just a character in a book, but I grew up with Harry and I love Harry.  For a pretty good summation of my feelings about the end of it all, read this article.

When I was in fifth grade all the posters for the book fair at school had the cover of Sorcerer's Stone on them.  I thought it was all stupid.  A few of my friends told me to read the books and I pretty openly mocked the idea.  What could be so great about a kid who finds out he's a wizard then goes to magic school?  Dumb.  A few weeks (maybe months?) later I finally decided to read the books.  Our small school library only had one copy of each of the [then three] books and there weren't any copies of the first, so I started with Chamber of Secrets and loved it.  Within the week I was reading Prisoner of Azkaban and finally Sorcerer's Stone.  After I finished, I started them again.  In those early days number two was my favorite because it terrified the living daylights out of me.  I read them all repeatedly, but that one over and over again.

My mom worked at Wal-Mart when the fourth one was coming out.  She brought me some of the buttons that they wore to promote the release of Goblet of Fire.  I could hardly stand it when she would come home and tell me stories of walking past the readied display case of books.  Over and over I begged her to steal me one.  Before long my first experience with a midnight release arrived.  Perhaps it was just our small Wal-Mart, but there really was just one display case of books, nothing compared to the precariously stacked pallets that came later.  I remember being livid as an older lady stepped in front of me to take the first book.

And thus my obsession continued.  The first movie was the first movie I ever bought tickets for in advance.  I dressed up as Hermione as often as possible.  When I was a senior in high school (or I guess the summer just after) and the last book came out I got up at five am to stand in line to get a wristband to stand in line.  We were back at Border's by noon.  Luckily when I came to college I was able to find friends that also loved Harry Potter.  My very first roommate (Sarah) was just as obsessed as I was.

No joke when I was a kid I used to pray that I wouldn't die before the final book was released because I had to know how the story ended.  After I finished book seven I figured I could die anytime.  I am not exaggerating.  This actually happened.

And so tonight, it all ends.  The last movie is released and, as many have said, an era ends.  I grew up with Harry.  I am a part of the Harry Potter generation.  It's been a part of me for so long.  I choose to end with a quote from JK Rowling herself.  She summed up what we all needed when she said, "Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home."

You are probably aware of how I usually like to include pictures in my posts, but this is too personal.  I don't want to just throw in pictures willy-nilly.  I want what this means to stand for itself. 

Night-time Reading

I'm a creep.  This is kind of well known so I won't bother to elaborate.  I was recently linked to a friend's blog.  I have this thing about reading a blog I haven't before.  I can't just start from where I jump in and continue.  There's some compulsion inside of me to start at the beginning and at least browse the whole life of the blog.  So, if a blog has been around for a long time I probably won't start reading it.

Tonight I was sitting around with some time on my hands and decided to start reading this friend's blog so that I could stay current with it.  I often get impatient with this process of mine.  I get bored and hope for the end to come and to run out of posts (but I still have to do it - I hate myself sometimes).  That wasn't the case with this post.  This guy is a writer.  Big deal, I have other friends who are writers and their blogs are just as average as any other (or maybe slightly above, but I try to stick to reading pretty good blogs).  But man, this was good stuff.  The posts weren't even topics that particularly enthralled me, but I read every single word - no browsing for me tonight.

Many of the blogs I read are funny.  I have hilarious friends that write hysterical blogs and I love to read them, but they're not the same as this blog.  The writer comes through.  I especially love when he calls attention to himself and the fact that he's writing.  Mostly the point of this post is to praise that blog, though I won't link him to this post because that's kind of weird, yeah?  Would you find it strange if all of a sudden one of your friends started reading your blog then posted a whole post about how interesting/good it is?

P.S. I feel the way about poetry and art.  Just let me enjoy without too much analyzing and be free to feel without knowing exactly why or what.

Acoustic Night

My ward holds acoustic night every month and a half or two months. Basically anyone who wants to comes out and plays guitar and/or sings or whatever musical talent they have. I haven't attended any of the other acoustic nights because I didn't really think it would be my scene. I was right. Sure, I saw some friends that I was glad to see tonight (hello Jeff), but I most likely won't go to another.

Discovery: I have pretty much the same opinion about both acoustic night and [ward] talent shows. There are three acceptable groups of people who should perform.

1. Children (unless it gets excessive). There was a boy that was someone's brother at acoustic night tonight. He was probably 14 or 15 and he got up the courage to perform in front of a bunch of college students some song he'd written for guitar. You go, kid. You are an acoustic night winner.

2. Hilarious people. If you're going to sing a funny song or do a funny sketch (in the case of talent shows) or narrate hilariously then please perform. Exhibit A: Landon. If you were in the ward last year you definitely know Landon (tall, hilarious animation student). Landon has actual talent to be sure, but instead he tells a funny story and sings a song he began writing in the seventh grade about starting an outlaw band. Win. Exhibit B: Curtis. Still in the ward, and kind of hilarious. He sang a song about still being in love and wanting someone back even after they try and stab you and step on your head after throwing you in a ditch etc etc. Others that come to mind are Ben's cover of Your Body is a Wonderland (called Your Spirit is a Wonderland) two years ago and Travis's hilarious cover of some country song (that I don't remember currently) at the same show. To hilarious people: please perform. Also kudos to Jason for playing a song from Sesame Street.

3. Extremely talented people. With Trent on guitar and vocals, David on trumpet, and Curtis on banjo (!!!) that combination was fantastic and the song was good and I enjoyed it. Ditto to the group that had the violinist, guitarist, drummer, and maraca girl that sang a song in some foreign language. Drummer and maraca girl did another piece where he played guitar and she sang and it was great. I'm sure I could think of examples for talent shows, but I don't feel like it.

Listen, people, I respect that you have a budding talent that you're striving to build. I recognize that you wrote some mediocre lyrics and you're proud of them, but I don't care that much. I'm not excited to hear you. Take some time and practice some more then get back to me. Similarly I have no desire to watch a poorly acted ten minute drama at a talent show.

I know it was my choice to go to acoustic night and so I'm making the choice not to go again. I'm also making the choice to blog my thoughts. No apologies.

Life's Important Questions

- Why are my post titles so similar these days?

- With friends like Brittany who bring you Jimmer posters when they're being given away on campus because she knows you don't even go to campus anymore, who needs other friends?

- Why have the best pasta dishes I've had in my life been made by men (I'm looking at you Dad and Kevin)? This is no offense to my mother, of course.

- What makes it so hard for me to bake consistently delicious food here in Utah? I'm going to blame the altitude. Seriously, though, last weekend I made crappy cinnamon rolls and crappy raspberry rolls.

- Why are so many of these questions food related?

- Who knew that ramen noodles were deep fried? I didn't.

- How many of your families have "Thanksgiving" throughout the year? I'm talking turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, pie, stuffing for dinner no matter the time of year.

- Not a question, but a fact: refrigerated creamed peas start to look like peas sitting in shortening. Still taste great, look awful.

- What is it about blog posts sponsored by a product or brand that really bothers me? I feel like I'm getting something shoved down my throat maybe? My Baking Addiction does it all the time. Pioneer woman made it big without having all her recipe posts as a paid advertisement for a product. Even if the recipe is delicious, this makes me not want to read the blog....

- What is it about the sound of stirring mac'n'cheese that makes it so disgusting/unique/fantastic?

Graduation

Oh yeah, this happened...

No, I'm not really ready to talk about it yet.

Vacation: "Showing off for your muggle admirers, Potter?"

I had this whole list of things I wanted to blog about and I made little notes of them on a note pad. Then my family came to town before I got to blogging them and now I have no idea what half of those little notes meant. Oh yeah, I guess I should mention that all of these were in regards to the Disney/Universal trip. It'd be a shame to completely skip that on my blog, so you're getting the mass dump here.

One: I miss vacation.

I'm ready to go back. It was beautiful and only one day was unbearably hot. The hotel (Hard Rock) was awesome and spending time with Sarah was a blast. There was a water shuttle and Disney has the monorail and the ferry. Plus, real life is boring (and scary).

Two: The surprise.

The first day we got there was, of course, exhausting. Travel and getting up early and the plane and shuttling and everything make me want to sleep all day long. I was so happy to see the hotel and our hotel room.

(please excuse how awful I look)

We did have one confusion checking in when the guy told us we were staying for seven nights (we thought it was four). Long story short, I called Laurel and she confirmed that our vacation did indeed go seven nights, which we had somehow missed. Cue freaking out.

Three: First day

Since we were so tired and it was late w decided to go over to City Walk and grab some food. Once we had eaten (Moe's, if you care) we thought we'd just walk around Islands of Adventure (one of two Universal parks) for a little bit and maybe catch a glimpse of Hogwarts. Once we saw the towers I started getting goosebumps and couldn't resist.

We, of course, had to go into Hogsmeade. Because it was getting late there was almost no line for Forbidden Journey so we went on the ride (we're Harry Potter nerds, there was no controlling it) which was AWESOME. Amazing first day.

Four: Side note.

A brief break from the narrative of the vacation for a comment. Disney and Universal do so many things in such a genius way! Universal is extremely shaded and amazingly well air conditioned. Both places have water misters all over the place. Popular rides have conveyor belts and are constantly loading and unloading people without stopping which obviously makes it so the lines keep moving (the longest we waited was 40 minutes for a safari which was SO worth it). The decor and the tiny details leading up to the rides (hello, all of Hogwarts castleincluding moving pictures) keep the visitors entertained. So smart, way to keep us happy at the happiest places on earth. That is all.

Five: "I'm drunk on butterbeer."

The food was great on vacation. Most of the time Sarah and I shared a plate between the two of us which was plenty and makes it not really that expensive. I have to admit I didn't love pumpkin juice or butterbeer (though Sarah did). I will say, however, that the cream on top of the butterbeer is absolutely DELICIOUS.

Six: The happiest place on Earth.

Seeing Disney for the first time is amazingly exciting (even as an adult). It's hard not to act like a tiny child and be insanely giddy all time time and want to take a picture with every princess.

I now have a slight obsession with all things Disney (and Harry Potter, obviously). Also, the fireworks and the Main Street Electrical Parade and all the nighttime events are definitely worth attending. I maybe cried a little bit. Hush and stop judging me immediately.

Seven: Rides that shouldn't be missed/favorites.

Forbidden Journey (obviously, it's freaking Harry Potter).

The random dinosaur ride in Epcot (I think Epcot in general is AWESOME).

It's a small world (class for good reason).

The tea cups (you get pictures like this).

The carousel of progress (old school and gets really bizarre at the end).

Space mountain (I'm unique NOT AT ALL).

There were about a million others, but I can't and won't list them all.

Eight: Closing thoughts.

This trip was absolutely amazing. It wouldn't have been near as awesome without a few people. Of course my parents and the Alveys that helped make it all possible. Laurel - she put it all together and had the largest hand in getting us there. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, Sarah. I wouldn't have had a fraction of the fun if I'd gone with anyone else. We had such a good vacation and she was even nice when I was sick one day and we stayed in the hotel room most of the day. To her, grat thanks and love. I could go on forever (or at least a really long time) about the nitty gritty details and happenings of my trip, but I'll stop. I'm no expert on Disney or Universal, but if you want my thoughts/opinions on something specific leave a comment or email me and I'll get at you. Also, go to Orlando. It's worth it.

Nine: Addendum

I don't know why the pictures are strange and varied sizes. It makes no sense to me as I stole them all from Sarah's facebook. She was the official picture taker while we were there and it was great because then I didn't have to take any (which I'm bad about). If you want to see more, go to her page.

Authenticating the Experience

Most of you know that I went here.

And also to Disney World. Do you know what makes the experience of going to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter even more awesome and authentic? THE WHOLE COUNTRY OF ENGLAND ON SPRING BREAK APPARENTLY. Everyone was British on our vacation to Orlando! One time the people next to me were not British, they were Scottish. It was kind of awesome, but basically shocking. I was told Disney World was full of Asians and there were a lot of Asians, but not near as many as British people. I loved it. Especially one British mom that sounded like Molly Weasley hanging out in Zonko's talking about Puking Pastilles and U No Poo. Awesome.

I'm On Vacation

There will be some sort of marathon post (or posts) in the future about this amazing vacation, but I thought I'd take a quick second to update. Sarah and I went downstairs to one of the hotel's FOUR restaurants for an early dinner not too long ago. I had been a little sick this morning and we were exhausted so pretty much all day we were in our room (most of the time I was napping). So, we put our do not disturb sign up and chilled. Until dinner. When we got back from dinner (which was maybe about a half hour time block) BAM! our room was clean. What the heck? It was awesome. It's like people were prowling outside just waiting for both of us to leave at once or take our sign down or whatever so they could make sure it was all covered.

Thank you Hard Rock. I love a freshly made bed and fresh towels. Especially the fresh towels.

Brain Vomit

I'm watching musical Grey's Anatomy right now. It's only a few minutes in and I have to admit, I kind of like it.

Somehow I just discovered Grooveshark about last week. What the heck.

The way things were stacking up it seemed like last week was going to be miserable (major TMI moment coming up). It was just a lot of stress all combining and even the little things were going wrong. Then when I woke up on Monday morning to a visit from Aunt Flo (I just said that, get over it) I was pissed. Later, during lunchtime, I decided I could be pissed about it or I could be happy that it wasn't next week during mine and Sarah's trip. Thursday I had two formal observations. Crap shoot, I know. Instead of freaking out I just rocked my lesson and the CFA didn't have any suggestions to make. I want to teach so badly. The end.

When we were little and had a treat/dessert most often it was either Chips Ahoy (in the blue bag) or Oreos. That doesn't mean my mom was a bad mom, she was busy working and sometimes store bought cookies are just dandy. Also, I have no doubt that my mom's pie can rock your mom's pie any day of the week. Anyway, I was always partial to the Chips Ahoy and I'm wondering how the general populace would vote between the two.

Remember back in the days of summer (and I think once after that too) I blogged about the books I'd read? It's been awhile, but I'm still reading. Instead I post those on one of my other blogs that I write with a few friends (here). You may want to check it out because I'm thinking of doing a book giveaway soon.

That's all my random thoughts for right now.