Some Things

The following is a random collection of things I've been wanting(ish) to blog about.

-We had two and a half snow days this week and it was kick ass.  Also I was sick on Tuesday and took a half day (the first half of the day almost killed me or made me whiny at least).

-I have hilarious friends.  Only I have them exclusively not in a state I'm in so that's a cool story.

- I turned 24.  It was my golden birthday.

-The PTO at my school is awesome.  Monthly they bring around a treat cart with 8-15 different types of snacks to the teachers.  They stop by each classroom at least twice a day.  For February I tried the pretzel brownie, strawberry cheesecake bite, strawberry lemonade, and some other stuff I shouldn't have eaten. (Note that I don't usually eat all of it because something will turn out to be something I don't love or whatever.  Also, I don't have to justify myself to you.)

-The kindergarteners at school all made cutouts of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln for President's Day.  Every single one is black.  I love black Santa and all, but those presidents were definitely white.  I think it was a teacher error in the choosing of the construction paper, but it's hilarious.

-My dog got fixed and I had a total meltdown and figured she would never be the same and love me again.  I'm irrational inside my mind.

My life is boring.  It's so boring that I'm bored blogging about it.

I Don't Know Things

I don't pretend to understand very many things or know anything at all.  But I know this is a good sentiment and I think it's lovely.  From A Wrinkle in Time:

"In your language you have a form of poetry called the sonnet.  It is a very strict form of poetry, is it not?"

"Yes."

"There are fourteen lines, I believe, all in iambic pentameter.  That's a very strict rhythm or meter, yes?" 

"Yes."

"And each line has to end with a rigid rhyme pattern.  And if the poet does not do it exactly this way it is not a sonnet, is it?" 

"No."

"But within this strict form the poet has complete freedom to say whatever he wants, doesn't he?"

"Yes."

"So."

"So what?"

"Oh, do not be stupid, boy! You know perfectly well what I am driving at!"

"You mean you're comparing our lives to a sonnet?  A strict form, but freedom within it?"

"Yes.  You're given the form, but you have to write the sonnet yourself.  What you say is completely up to you."

Trying to Be a Better Teacher

I've been trying to get my life together as it relates to my job.  I love teaching, but it's extremely high stress and there are lots of pressures other than the whole 17 third graders thing (Utah teachers, don't hate me for that class size).

And it's been working a little bit.  My lesson plans are working out.  I successfully used the phrases "giant ray of death", "giant line segment of death", and "giant angle of death" in  my math lesson today and it was awesome.  Turns out you're lucky if your house is built at the vertex of the giant angle of death because the rays only hit Mars and the Sun and you're ok.

The point is, I've been trying to be a better teacher and it's working for the most part.

But I can't get my own life together.  I don't stop and visit the kids and Heather (family, duh) because I need to hurry home and grade, plan, prepare, etc.  There's no time to go sit on the couch with Mom and watch Criminal Minds.  Sleep is trying it's best to go away (about 4 hours a night).  And I'm a huge anti-social loser.

The end.

On Anger

*Note: I wrote and rewrote this post several times and it was originally much more lengthy, but I just wanted to get to the point, thus you have this condensed post.

I want to let you know up front (for those Mormons who read my blog) that I've been planning this post in my head for probably 24 hours or so and it's pure coincidence that this topic was brought up somewhat this morning.

Moving on.  I've been thinking about anger a lot over the last few days.  Anger and hot-tempers run in my family. We're grudge holders and yellers and silent-treatment givers and at times hitters. I know all about anger.

Sometimes you're angry and you have good reason.  This is called being justified in your anger.  I've been sitting around angry, in a way I feel is justified, for weeks.  In my mind people have done things directly against me and I have the right to be angry.

And you know what? You (I) can do that.  I'm fine if you (I) do that, I feel like it's a reasonable thing to do, but here's the thing.  You're only hurting yourself.  Nobody actually gives a shit if you're angry.  So do it.  Sit there and be angry because you deserve to be and people are mean to you.  But realize you're going to be sitting there all alone and no one is going to come to realize they've been mean and apologize.

My new found knowledge?  Just let it go.  Fake it 'til you make it if you need to, but show that meanness or whatever isn't going to destroy your life.  Keep being nice to the people that are hurting you and then maybe they'll stop hurting you.

Life Choices

When I was a senior in high school I decided to be a teacher.  When I was a freshman in college I decided to teach elementary school.  I haven't yet ruled out the possibility that I will teach high school some day, but I know that I made the right career choice.

My job is so stressful.  I'm not kidding.  Somedays I hope that no one over the age of eleven will even speak to me.  I spend personal time and money on making things the best I possibly can for my fifth grade students.  Doesn't matter, because I love them and my job is fulfilling.

Seriously.  I get up and want to go to work in the morning.  Now, don't confuse me and think I mean that I never want to stay in my bed because I'm exhausted.  I love staying in my bed.  I enjoy the days I get to sleep in.  But I never leave my job and think how much I hate it.  And school is the only thing that's awesome.

When I'm stressed and/or my life is in disarray, school is the only time I can let go and be happy.  Right now pretty much all the things in my life are a big freaking disaster and I cry all the days, but school is great.  My kids make me legitimately happy even when they're being brats.

And THAT is how you know you chose the right career path.  When your job is the part of the day you love the most, that's what you should be doing.

No fanfare. The end.