An Important Clarification

I think it was clear in my last post, but possibly not so I want to add it here.  I don't believe Anna, Jane, or Mary in the situation below to be bad people in any way shape or form.  I don't want it to come across like poor Anna, if only Jane and/or Mary did their duty as Mormons and friends then everything would be ok.  It's not like that.  People react to situations differently and I just wanted to address some thinking that seems to be prevalent in this culture.  

Thanks, all.  Also I certainly appreciate the thoughtful comments that have already been left on the previous post. 

On Religion

The LDS Church is losing YSA (that's young single adult, for those less informed) members at a rapid rate.  I've seen some sources refer to the loss as "bleeding" or even "hemorrhaging" members from this demographic.  Here's a link to just one article that quotes Elder Marlin Jensen in case you're not believing me: article.

I want to share with you a conversation I was privy to awhile ago that I think exposes some of the reasons these members are leaving at such a rapid rate.  All names are changed (and some context) to protect the innocent.

Mary, Jane, and Anna are girls in their early twenties living in Provo.  The three had been having another conversation that eventually led to the topic of religion.  Anna is on the outside edge of current Mormonism and has been struggling to find her faith for 18 months or so and is instead finding more questions than answers.

When the topic of Proposition 8 comes up Anna mentions that the Church should not have, in her opinion, gotten involved in campaigning against it and that she doesn't care if gays get married or not.  Mary is quiet, Jane is vocal.  Jane says that the prophet (and apostles) should be followed exactly and they stood so adamantly and specifically against it that she can't help but following.  Mary expresses her belief that it doesn't matter much whether gays get married or not citing this graph.

Where then, queries Jane, do you draw the line and decide you will and won't listen to the prophets?  Questioning can lead to too much questioning, she warns, and you should follow with exactness.  Anna is interested and expresses her frustration with that sentiment as as a reason she can't realign with the church.  Where can someone like Anna discuss her problems?  Go to the scriptures says Jane.  What about things the scriptures don't address?  Jane suggests talking to the bishop.  Anna expresses her frustration that these roads lead to few actual answers and mostly ideas of "pray more often."  

The conversation gets more heated, though not argumentative.  Anna brings up topics that bother her (which I won't site here lest it bring up questions for someone that doesn't want them) and Jane responds to some.  Most often with ideas about following the prophets and just staying aligned until we know more and how things are uncertain.  Anna compares blindly following that strictly to "drinking poison kool-aid" a la Jim Jones, but to a lesser degree.  Mary chimes in and says it's different because the prophets will never ask someone to drink poison kool-aid.  Anna asks how she can be sure.  Both Jane and Mary affirm that men led by God wouldn't do something like that. 

Anna again goes back to the questions in the church's past that seem strange and asks about the prophets and apostles being human and where the line of human error is drawn.  The conversation is getting more heated and Mary is visibly frustrated.  Anna turns to Jane and says that the conversation should probably stop as Mary is getting offended (these three are friends, remember?).  Mary asks what Anna expects when she attacks her beliefs and shoots them down left and right.  The situation deteriorates from there. 

Here's an unrelated picture of a basset hound puppy to break up the monotony of the text. 

There's the story.  Not many specific details, I know, but enough for you to follow my line of thought...I think.  So, we have these three girls.  Anna, the "struggler" and Jane and Mary the "in line with the standards and beliefs of the church" members.  All three living in the Provo bubble of Mormondom.  None of the girls are breaking any major church rules or commandments (I mean, who doesn't break some rule at some point by listening to a song they shouldn't or whatever.  No one is perfect).  

I think the point of this is my desire to highlight Anna's predicament.  In this conversation she is among friends trying to honestly discuss religion.  The reason Anna chooses to push and ask Mary and Jane her questions is not to try and sway them or to attack their beliefs, but to have someone push back on her.  There is no forum for that.  Anna can go to the Church that is not very specific on many many things and frowns on questioning or can look to sources on the internet which are predominantly written by ex-Mormons trying to draw others away.  When Anna tried to have this conversation with her friends at least one of them was offended and got defensive at Anna's apparent attack on her beliefs.  

What, then, is Anna to do?  Where is she to go?  She's in the Provo bubble with not very many people to talk to about the situation and some serious issues to be worked out.  Here's my point.  No one is looking after this group of young adults: not their bishops, not their friends, not their families, no one.  So they're left alone.  What happens when they're left alone?  They feel alienated and leave the church that they don't see as caring for them or providing answers to their questions; they leave the church of their childhood.  And that's just sad.  

I know you love my random breaking up the monotony pictures. 

My recommendation?  When your friends let you know they have questions or they don't believe in God or they're struggling with the idea of following the prophet then love them.  Love them so much they might die of so much love.  And don't be easy on them.  Push.  Ask what they believe and why they believe it.  Get them to defend their belief or disbelief.  Don't smother them, of course.  Don't push when they're in a state of irritation.  Similarly, don't avoid the topic of religion.  Not talking about Jesus just because they're in the room or not praying at a meal they're invited to is probably not helpful.  It doesn't show that religion is important to you and sets no example for the Anna's in the world.  Lastly, try and be kind and understanding to these people.  Know that in most cases they're not people looking for a reason to be wicked or a way to justify their sins.  Most likely something bad happened to them or in their life and it made them question and they got lost.  Help them back, don't leave them in the cold.  There's no one else out there to take care of the Anna's in your life if you don't do it.  If the Marys and the Janes don't come forward then it's likely that no one will and most of the Annas will be lost. 

Religious Question

I was reading The Actor and the Housewife by Shannon Hale (review) and came to a quote that sums up well something I've thought in the past.

"Why would calling on the Lord's name ever be in vain if he were really there to listen?"

Don't get me wrong, I do not and will not take the Lord's name in vain, but I have questioned this before.  Occasionally in the past I've said "Oh praise the Lord Jesus," but really am extremely grateful (for some reason that word is hard for me to spell) for the situation.  This is a real question.  Please let me know your thoughts. 

P.S. Cooking blog coming soon.  

Rumination

I just want to warn you that this blog post is not as lighthearted as most of the others I've written lately.  I also want to warn you that the chances of me looking like garbage in pictures included in this post are high.

For the past couple of days I've been thinking about growing up and how my life is changing.  There are heaps of benefits to growing up.  In fact, I posted a facebook status expressing my gratitude not to be in high school anymore.  Don't get me wrong, there were some good things in high school.  I had some decent friend groups even though I often acted ridiculous in more ways than one (not all of them friendly or harmless).  There were some great teachers that influenced me, and I did some growing up.

Now I've graduated from college and I'm certified to teach children (though being able to find a teaching job is another story all together).  All of this is a little bit of me rambling to avoid the point.  Sometimes I wish I could go back to some of my previous ways of thinking.

Thinking that brought me here on my own money and choice.

(No, I don't hold any delusions that EFY works miracles or is the only productive place for youth to be in the summer.)

There was easier thinking that led to taking pictures like this for a very specific purpose (a purpose I'm not sure I fully or possibly even partially agree with anymore).

Something like this was fun, not lame and possibly mortifying.  Not to mention I had no trouble admitting it.  

I went here as often as I could manage it.  

And I sincerely loved doing the fun, serious and silly here.  It was one of the things I most looked forward to every year (despite the sweltering heat and obnoxious humidity and inevitable drama).  

All of that is a way for me to say that I lost something that I can't get back.  The person in the pictures up there cried on vacation one time because she accidentally said damn (I realize this is outrageous and isn't something I particularly want to go back to).  I wasn't perfect and neither was my life.  In a lot of ways my life was really crappy then, but something's missing now and I wish it wasn't.  Thing is, I think I've perhaps gone past a point where I can return to the one thing that seemed to be functional during that time of my life.  It's not a matter of choosing it.  That would be too easy.  I think after a certain level of exposure and thinking in a different way, there's no way back.  

I know that I'm rambling in an insane way.  Let me sum it all up: I lost something and I miss it and I wish I could have it back and in a way I think that's just the nature of childhood and parts of childhood and as much as a person can miss and even crave the comforts of that time, you can't return.  Can you?  Not to mention I've begun to resent and even hate the things that in my view ruined a degree of my innocence.  

Did any of that even make any sense at all?

Hypocrites

Today in Sunday School we talked about hypocrites.  That's right, despite the fact that I look like I'm paying absolutely no attention and I'm playing Word Warp (which is like Text Twist) on my phone, I'm listening.  The teacher (Erin?) asked us what we thought of when we considered hypocrites.  I didn't contribute, but there is something I thought then and was shown to be applicable later that evening.  To me not being a hypocrite often means not being someone different at church than you are in life.

You know what, I'm going to be me no matter what.  Just because it's Sunday I'm not going to start putting on airs.  If there's a movie that I'd watch any other day of the week and I'm a person who watches movies on Sunday (I understand that some people choose not to watch movies or tv on Sunday as a way of keeping the Sabbath day holy and I completely respect that choice) my movie choice isn't going to be different.  I'm the same person on Sunday as any other day of the week and I'm not going to put on a show.

Example.  Tonight at mix and mingle (alternately called snack and mack or grab a cookie take a lookie) Sam started talking about the movie Sixteen Candles.  I've never seen it, but I have a copy on VHS so I figured I'd watch it.  I expressed the same and someone in the ward stated rather huffily, "Well, that's a great movie to watch on a Sunday." Get over it girl.  Sunday doesn't make me pretend to be someone I'm not.

Flip-Flops

Get over it. I'm about to blog about flip-flops. Are any of you really surprised?

Side note before I begin: rumor has it that this Saturday flip-flops are $1 at Old Navy. By rumor I mean a commercial that I saw yesterday.

Those are random people's feet, but it's just normal flip flops in the picture so I put it here.

Flip-flops are absolutely amazing. There's no denying it. The feel of sunshine and happiness and wind and joy on your toes is amazing. Also, they come in approximately 8 kajillion colors.
Those are just plain colors. I have silver ones and you can get the kind with shells or bling or the ever white-trash platform style "heel". The varieties of flip-flops are endless. Don't even get me started on the attractive to douchey to overly-hipster to grandpa style man flip-flops. This post is about my opinion of flip-flops on my own personal feet so I'm not even going there right now.

But...you knew all this already. Unless you've been living under a rock for the past century you've either owned or come across your fair share of Old Navy style simple flip-flops (and the variations therefrom). Why the blog post then?

I want to talk about flip-flops at church. Go ahead. Leave a comment quoting some prophet or apostle about not wearing beach clothes to church. Now ask me the last time I wore flip-flops on the beach (the answer is I can't remember because I go barefoot on the beach like any sane person). Call me unrighteous, but I'm still going to wear flip-flops to church.

Why? First, there's the price. Even without the sale I mentioned above I can get plain flip-flops for $2-$5 a pair or a pair with decorations (glitter, beads, rhinestones) for $5-$10. Can I get heels or even flats for that price? No. I cannot. So, for the cost of half of a pair of regular shoes I can buy a pair of flip-flops in colors to match any of my outfits. Thank you variety.

They are comfortable. I can't walk in heels. Hopefully one day someone will teach me (that is kind of an invitation), but right now I can't. If I wear flip-flops to church I don't have to wear my slippers and carry my shoes in my hand. Some people love their heels and have beautiful shoes and want to wear them (Stefanie) and that is fine by me. I don't have beautiful shoes and I don't want my toes pinched. Additionally, the times are rare that I'm going to wear flats or heels without knee-highs, tights, or pantie-hose (is that really how that's spelled?). Your feet sweat. My feet sweat. It's a fact of life. If you go barefoot under your shoes most of the time your shoes start to get really stinky. I'm not going to continue to wear stinky nasty sweat-filled shoes despite their funk. Flip-flops are generally funk-less (and easy/cheap to replace in the rare case they become funky).

Finally (and I'll try to be brief), I have big feet. It's hard to find shoes that are comfortable, cute, and affordable for big feet. Flip-flops come regularly up to women's size 12 or 13 (though my feet aren't that big) for the same price as the more average sizes.

If I'm doing something in my life that's going to get me sent to hell, I don't think wearing flip-flops to church is it. Maybe one day when I'm rich I'll pay more for shoes and stop wearing flip-flops and you can all stop judging me. Thing is, I never go to church dirty, I almost always put on make-up, I take the time to do my hair (though it doesn't always turn out), and generally try to make sure I'm well put together. So, I'll keep my flip-flops and you can keep your judgment.

Wickedness

Last night I was cooking up a storm for our super bowl party today. It was getting extremely late so I decided to take a quick shower. Somehow I forgot that I was in the middle of baking the rolls I was planning to use for slider buns and they overcooked. I only had enough rolls left for half a batch so I decided to go out after church today and grab some more rolls from the store. I didn't feel like it was a wicked decision because I was not going to ruin the feast I'd been working on for a bajillion years. It's not like I go shopping every single Sunday or anything. Anyway, I went to the store and felt fine about it until I pulled back into my parking garage and realized I'd have to enter my apartment with a grocery bag. I contemplated how I might be able to hide my goods in my bag or pretend I had just left the groceries in the car the night before.

This is dumb. I know people will judge people for this kind of thing because I've heard it happen, but it's stupid. It's not that big of a deal if someone has to grab something from the store on a Sunday. So, those people can STOP JUDGING ME IMMEDIATELY. The end.

What Would Jesus Do?

Sometimes there are some things about Mormon culture that really bug me. For example the incessant need to pray about the smallest of things. I'm all for praying and doing what you can to let God direct your life, but sometimes you just have to make a choice and it doesn't matter that much.

Today I was in Sarah's ward and her bishop said, "What would Jesus do? Sometimes I don't know what Jesus would do! I don't know if he would choose farming or shepherding for his major." To that I say thank you and amen. Get over it, move on, and make some choices.

A Song That Makes Me Fall Asleep: Still, Still, Still

Remember that time I started doing that music challenge thing? I know. I hardly do either. I think this post will be day 10 or something like that (in what's supposed to be 30 consecutive days), but I do what I want. This is my blog. Sometimes I blog about 4 times in one day because I feel like it and I think that posts that are totally unrelated should not be all shoved together just because they're on the same day (though posts don't have to have a single topic; some of my favorite posts to read are the ones that briefly address many things).

Anyway, back to the point. A song that makes me fall asleep. I like the song Still, Still, Still and I love Christmas music. This version of the song is from the Mannheim Steamroller Christmas piano solos book. Chris Doxey played this song (I think, forgive me if I'm wrong) at the ward Christmas musical fireside. He's extremely talented and I offered (mostly jokingly) to pay him to play lullabies for me so I can fall asleep. How great and peaceful is this song, though. I'll admit that most any soft piano solo will have me dozing (in a good way).

Life Lately

I printed my 4+ years of livejournal, am having it bound, and shipped to my house all for about 12 bucks. I really did use it as my journal for that time in my life and even though it's super angsty, it will be helpful to have.

School is both busy and not busy. I don't know how to explain so I won't.

I love the smell of fire on my clothes.

My friends and I in the elementary education program started a new blog called Teachers Read Books for posting reviews, recommendations, events, etc.

Steph sometimes makes me feel a little worthless because she is super motivated.

JK Rowling is going to be on Oprah on Friday. I'm TiVo-ing it.

Today we were assigned "mentees" in the elementary education program. Basically they're the little baby frosh that are still freaked out by the prospect and might want to ask someone questions. I like that I'll get to be the authority on something.

My job is essentially the easiest thing in the world. Today I got paid for an hour of doing absolutely nothing.

I'm FHE mom now (I don't know if I said that yet) and it stresses me out more than it should. I want everyone to love every activity. I know that can't happen, but whatevs.

I realized by the time I get home for Christmas, Tori will be about 11 months old. That's freaking me out. She won't know me at all. I'm trying to convince either her mom or my mom to video chat with me so I can see her. She's still fat.

The BYU football team is pretty bad this year. I'll still cheer as loud as possible and be proud of my boys, it's just a building year.

I'm ready for basketball season.

A Thousand Things Have Happened

Short and fast updates on my life unless I get all long-winded.

Laurel (my older sister) showed up at my apartment as a surprise Thursday evening. Super awesome. She's here until Tuesday.

The Cougars won yesterday. Go team. I may even be coming around to the whole two QB idea.

The game was so hot I almost died of heat and death.

It was pretty hot here again today, but now there is beautiful wind outside of my window that I am loving.

I didn't have to sit by anyone that I hate at the football game.

I got a new calling. I'm now an FHE mom. I'm good with that.

With Laurel's help I cleared my closet and drawers of all the clothes I have (had) that didn't fit or I didn't like. Three full trash bags are headed for DI.

Did I ever mention anything about my new roommates? They are so nice. I don't even mean that in a sarcastic way. They are actually so nice. Not to mention they are clean.

School is already kicking my trash. I feel like I'm constantly going and going and going without enough time to even breathe and catch up.

The idea of student teaching and graduating freaks me out.

I miss seeing the milestones as Tori grows up (not to mention the other kids).

A bunch of the cool el ed people went to our old teacher's wedding reception.

Oh, and did I mention Laurel is here? :D

Church

I love church. I really do. There is so much that can be learned there. However, some things that tend to happen at church drive me out of my mind and I'm going to blog about them now.

1. When girls sing the tenor line of the hymn an octave high. Often they're not doing it well which is part of the problem, but quit showing off! It's church, not a performance. The tenor line is for the guys to sing.

2. When people who sing the hymns in the language they learned on their mission. I'm really happy that people served and had the opportunity to learn a new language, but really? This is an English meeting. If you don't know any other language then sing in the one you know (or pray in the one you know, or whatever), but if you know the language of the meeting, use it.

3. The phrase "when I was on my mission." Mission stories are not inherently bad or braggy or misplaced, but they seem to be used that way quite often. Guys and girls alike (and in my ward the girls are worse for it) seem to think serving a mission made them the ultimate expert on anything and everything church related and some take every opportunity to remind you of the fact (often making the meeting run over about ten minutes). I want to reiterate that I think serving a mission is a great thing to do and can really help people grow, but it shouldn't be the end all and be all of your growth and the only source of your testimony.

4. Unprepared teachers. It's no secret that the teaching in the church can often be a little bit lackluster. Often, it's painful to watch. I know that I've procrastinated before (as we all have) but watching people prepare their lessons for the second in third hour during the first turns a switch in my mind and I tune out before I even get to the class. I have had some really great Sunday School lessons and even great Relief Society lessons, but the unprepared teachers reading straight from the manual are not the ones giving them.

Ok, end rant. On a happier note, how cute is this? I can't stop looking at it over and over.

Dating Panel (part 2)

The list continues

41. They add to the conversation and just try to have a good time.

42. They don’t feel awkward to tell you if they’d rather never see you again.

43. If a guy buys dinner, say thanks, once. Gratitude is great but we’re not so slow that it needs to be repeated five to ten times.

44. I like it when girls: are honest, can hold conversations without dominating it, allow me to show chivalry, smile, let me spoil them.

45. I like it when… the girl greatly contributes to the conversation but does not dominate it. The weight should be shared equally and it should not be up to the guy to start all conversations. Vice a Versa.

46. I like it when my date sends clear signals. If she is interested, she should be engaging, smile, sit close, etc. If she is not interested she should be friendly, but distant. Avoid physical contact, sit farther away, and talk with other ones as well as her date.

47. I like it when girls try to be actively involved in the conversation.

48. When a girl tries to have fun, and participate, no matter what the activity is. (Unless its morally wrong.)

49. Girls are awesome on dates when: They talk, and help their date talk as well.

50. They say thank you for small things

51. They smile

52. They want to be there. If you don’t, please have the guts to graciously decline.

53. Be cheerful, confident, upbeat. Otherwise it is kind of awkward and makes the guy feel like he has to entertain.

54. Thank you texts afterwards or just a sincere Thank you goes a long way.

55. Don’t order the most expensive thing or the cheapest. Its okay to get a box.

56. Don’t text! Even if you’re in a relationship. He is trying to do something nice for you so pay attention.

57. Don’t play games. Be honest and open. I know its hard but I respect girls a lot more who can say “I’m not interested” than girls who blow others off. Remember there are other guys watching how you treat their friends, roommates, etc.

58. When the girl had a good time I she makes that known sometime after the date.

59. When the girl lets the boy get the door for her.

60. When the girl tries to have fun.

61. I appreciate it when girls are open about whether or not they enjoyed the date and if they would like a second.

62. Show up – or CALL if there is a problem.

63. Relax – a first date is not a marriage proposition.

64. Be yourself, not what you think we want.

65. Let us open the doors.

66. Saying Thank You, not just at the end.

67. If you’re going to order food, eat it.

68. If you had a great time and would like to go again, let us know.

69. If you don’t see potential in the future, don’t say you had a great time, or that you want to do something later.

70. We are buying your time, so please give it to us for an hour or two.