On Religion

The LDS Church is losing YSA (that's young single adult, for those less informed) members at a rapid rate.  I've seen some sources refer to the loss as "bleeding" or even "hemorrhaging" members from this demographic.  Here's a link to just one article that quotes Elder Marlin Jensen in case you're not believing me: article.

I want to share with you a conversation I was privy to awhile ago that I think exposes some of the reasons these members are leaving at such a rapid rate.  All names are changed (and some context) to protect the innocent.

Mary, Jane, and Anna are girls in their early twenties living in Provo.  The three had been having another conversation that eventually led to the topic of religion.  Anna is on the outside edge of current Mormonism and has been struggling to find her faith for 18 months or so and is instead finding more questions than answers.

When the topic of Proposition 8 comes up Anna mentions that the Church should not have, in her opinion, gotten involved in campaigning against it and that she doesn't care if gays get married or not.  Mary is quiet, Jane is vocal.  Jane says that the prophet (and apostles) should be followed exactly and they stood so adamantly and specifically against it that she can't help but following.  Mary expresses her belief that it doesn't matter much whether gays get married or not citing this graph.

Where then, queries Jane, do you draw the line and decide you will and won't listen to the prophets?  Questioning can lead to too much questioning, she warns, and you should follow with exactness.  Anna is interested and expresses her frustration with that sentiment as as a reason she can't realign with the church.  Where can someone like Anna discuss her problems?  Go to the scriptures says Jane.  What about things the scriptures don't address?  Jane suggests talking to the bishop.  Anna expresses her frustration that these roads lead to few actual answers and mostly ideas of "pray more often."  

The conversation gets more heated, though not argumentative.  Anna brings up topics that bother her (which I won't site here lest it bring up questions for someone that doesn't want them) and Jane responds to some.  Most often with ideas about following the prophets and just staying aligned until we know more and how things are uncertain.  Anna compares blindly following that strictly to "drinking poison kool-aid" a la Jim Jones, but to a lesser degree.  Mary chimes in and says it's different because the prophets will never ask someone to drink poison kool-aid.  Anna asks how she can be sure.  Both Jane and Mary affirm that men led by God wouldn't do something like that. 

Anna again goes back to the questions in the church's past that seem strange and asks about the prophets and apostles being human and where the line of human error is drawn.  The conversation is getting more heated and Mary is visibly frustrated.  Anna turns to Jane and says that the conversation should probably stop as Mary is getting offended (these three are friends, remember?).  Mary asks what Anna expects when she attacks her beliefs and shoots them down left and right.  The situation deteriorates from there. 

Here's an unrelated picture of a basset hound puppy to break up the monotony of the text. 

There's the story.  Not many specific details, I know, but enough for you to follow my line of thought...I think.  So, we have these three girls.  Anna, the "struggler" and Jane and Mary the "in line with the standards and beliefs of the church" members.  All three living in the Provo bubble of Mormondom.  None of the girls are breaking any major church rules or commandments (I mean, who doesn't break some rule at some point by listening to a song they shouldn't or whatever.  No one is perfect).  

I think the point of this is my desire to highlight Anna's predicament.  In this conversation she is among friends trying to honestly discuss religion.  The reason Anna chooses to push and ask Mary and Jane her questions is not to try and sway them or to attack their beliefs, but to have someone push back on her.  There is no forum for that.  Anna can go to the Church that is not very specific on many many things and frowns on questioning or can look to sources on the internet which are predominantly written by ex-Mormons trying to draw others away.  When Anna tried to have this conversation with her friends at least one of them was offended and got defensive at Anna's apparent attack on her beliefs.  

What, then, is Anna to do?  Where is she to go?  She's in the Provo bubble with not very many people to talk to about the situation and some serious issues to be worked out.  Here's my point.  No one is looking after this group of young adults: not their bishops, not their friends, not their families, no one.  So they're left alone.  What happens when they're left alone?  They feel alienated and leave the church that they don't see as caring for them or providing answers to their questions; they leave the church of their childhood.  And that's just sad.  

I know you love my random breaking up the monotony pictures. 

My recommendation?  When your friends let you know they have questions or they don't believe in God or they're struggling with the idea of following the prophet then love them.  Love them so much they might die of so much love.  And don't be easy on them.  Push.  Ask what they believe and why they believe it.  Get them to defend their belief or disbelief.  Don't smother them, of course.  Don't push when they're in a state of irritation.  Similarly, don't avoid the topic of religion.  Not talking about Jesus just because they're in the room or not praying at a meal they're invited to is probably not helpful.  It doesn't show that religion is important to you and sets no example for the Anna's in the world.  Lastly, try and be kind and understanding to these people.  Know that in most cases they're not people looking for a reason to be wicked or a way to justify their sins.  Most likely something bad happened to them or in their life and it made them question and they got lost.  Help them back, don't leave them in the cold.  There's no one else out there to take care of the Anna's in your life if you don't do it.  If the Marys and the Janes don't come forward then it's likely that no one will and most of the Annas will be lost.