School Whining and Judy Clocks

Just over three weeks ago the copier broke at school.  It took them almost two week to fix it.  Meanwhile we were encouraged to "think digitally" and pay for our own copies at Staples.  When they finally fixed the copier it broke again a day and a half later (not an exaggeration).  They fixed that after one day, but then we weren't allowed to print anything except for report cards for another four days.  Grrr.

Also this morning this was as functional as my computer got.  It actually ended up getting worse.  As someone who depends on their smartboard and really likes to stay caught up with her email I was kind of distressed.

Also it's going to be a few days before they're able to start fixing it (whatever the problem is) so I have to rewrite my sub plans that I thought I was being so awesome by making this weekend. 

Ok, the whining part is over.  Now I want to talk a second about how weird and nerdy I am and Judy clocks.  You know these ones?

                                             

I'm pretty every elementary school kid in the history of America has used these when they were learning to tell time.  My students have started playing with them during class breaks, recess, and while they're waiting for the bus.  They often play a game that involves winding the clock either forward or backward to time travel.  I started thinking about this game more than I should because my mind is strange.  Then I wondered, what if Judy clocks really could cause time travel? 

Suppose every time a kid turned a Judy clock forward or backward time moved forward or backward without anyone's knowledge (including the child's).  The backward motion wouldn't repeat as they got to the same moment again (meaning that if a kid wound the clock backwards the world wouldn't be eternally stuck in a loop from however far back the kid wound the clock to the clock winding -- does that make sense?).  Anyway, supposing that rule was the case do you think overall in the history of Judy clocks we would have a net time travel into the future or into the past?  

Why has this been on my mind frequently for the past four or so days? 

Lonely

I'm a lonely person.  I have been for years, but now is a particularly hard time.

It's not popular to talk about these kinds of things on the internet.  People see it as begging for attention or something else inherently negative.  I don't think we need to think of it that way.  Why aren't all human emotions valid?

Sure, it's more fun to read about someone's awesome party or hilarious mishap.  But other types of posts acceptable as well.  Serious in all forms.  In fact, those are usually the posts I prefer to read -- people's honest opinions or reasonings on life or admission of troubles.  It makes it easier to connect to those people and see them as human.  

So here I am.  I'm a lonely human.  Just thought I'd let you know. 

The Cheese Sandwich Kids

Check out this extremely unappetizing cheese sandwich.



This is a picture from a stranger on the internet, but it looks almost identical to what the cheese sandwich kids get to have for lunch.

So here's the deal.  At my school if kids don't bring lunch money they can charge their lunch.  But if they owe too much their lunch gets taken away and they get a cold cheese sandwich very similar to the one pictured above (but usually on a skinny bun because childhood obesity) and milk.  Last year I had a kid whose mom didn't send him lunch money often so I'd occasionally put money in his account (secretly).  Because getting your lunch taken away in front of everyone after you've already filled your tray is mortifying.

This year one of my students wrote in his journal that the worst part of school was when you have to get a cheese sandwich at lunch.  And then it happened to him the other day because he owed $9 or so in charged lunches.  And he wouldn't look at or talk to anyone for the rest of the day. I gave him an extra apple and cheese stick that I had, but the whole situation was awful.

My mom and sister won't let me talk to them about this because it's heartbreaking.  So I'm coming to the internet.  What do I do (or what is the solution) to the problem of the cheese sandwich kids?  Do I throw money in the lunch accounts when I know they're getting low?  I stopped doing it last year after I was out about $60.  Or do I just ignore it?  Should the cafeteria just suck it up and let them charge indefinitely? Or what?

I know the theory is that if they get a cheese sandwich then they'll finally remember to tell their parents, but that usually doesn't work.  Is it really the kid's fault?  I really do want to know what you think.

Praying

Did you ever play this game when you were a kid?  The commercial made it seem like it would be the best thing in the whole entire earth. 

  

My cousin had it and we played a few times.  I'm still not very sure how many "levels" there were or what the point was because it was insanely frustrating.  Pikachu rarely actually understood what you told it to do and then you just threw the microphone because you had plenty of time to gather the ingredients for the soup, but the dumb thing couldn't understand what you were saying.  

Anyway, the actual play screen looked like this. 

See that little guy with the bubble in the bottom right corner?  The bubble came up when you pressed and held the button to talk to Pikachu.  Press button, speak into microphone, release button, bubble flies over and tells Pikachu what you said (if I remember correctly).  Also if you held the button down too long the bubble would eventually burst.  

Well, pretty much every time I pray I have this image in my head.  I'm aware it's weird.  I think I've only mentioned this to anyone one time (and that may be an imagined conversation, I'm not sure).  Press button (Dear Heavenly Father), bubble forms as you speak/think your prayer, release button (amen), bubble floats off for your prayer to be heard.  And if you fall asleep in the middle of your prayer or get distracted because you are exhausted then the bubble bursts and the prayer doesn't work and you have to start over. 

The end.

P.S. I know that's not how prayer actually works. 

Buffy and Edward (I hate myself for this post)

As the title suggests, I hate myself for writing this post.  But it won't get out of my head so here it comes.

Over the weekend SyFy had a Buffy marathon (and it was a kick-ass marathon with all your favorite and most important episodes including "Hush" and "Once More With Feeling" and "Becoming" (parts 1 and 2), etc.).  Naturally I recorded everything I could (except for when a storm knocked out the directv for a few hours) and have been watching over the past few days.

And I couldn't help but think about this thing that was popular on the internet a few years ago.

And I just don't think it's right.  Buffy has a history of being lenient towards vampires with good intentions (like...Angel? he had a soul) even when they were actually kind of evil, but harmless (think our neutered friend from later seasons who I won't  name because I know Megan is currently watching the series).  That vampire didn't even have a soul, but couldn't hurt humans so Buffy allowed it (intentional gender neutral pronoun) to live.  

Anyway, if this was all real Buffy totally wouldn't kill Edward, literary quality aside.  She tries to do what's right and let live those things that aren't a threat to human beings.

And that is all. 

Like I said, this is embarrassing to write. Feel free to silently mock me. 

P.S. Buffy + Angel forever

Racism is a Sad Reality

Racism is a hot topic right now.  From the mess happening on Big Brother 15 to the Zimmerman trial.  The discussion is everywhere.  I don't want to talk about either of those things.  I want to talk about the reality of racism in every day life.

This is my dad.

He's a nice enough guy and a professional, but he's kind of scary looking if you don't know him.  He has the beard and his eyes don't open equally (Bell's Palsy).  He's large and when he rides his motorcycle he usually wears a leather vest.  

Once upon a time Dad was on his motorcycle going about 20 over in front of a school.  He got stopped and he was carrying a loaded pistol in his pocket and didn't have his concealed carry permit with him.  After asking him about his gun and why he was going so fast the officer gave him a warning and let him go. 

This is my brother-in-law Billy.

Tall, thin (but strong), well-groomed black man.  This outfit is as casual as he gets.  No kidding, Billy is FANCY.  

Nearly every time Billy gets stopped by a traffic cop they ask him to get out of the car.  Now, he's very careful.  He turns off his car, puts his keys on the dashboard and hands on the wheel.  He asks permission before reaching for his registration and explains exactly where his license is before taking his wallet from his pocket. 

Once in college he was handcuffed and held on the hood of a car (he still has some scarring from the burns) until the ran his ID and realized who he was. 

Now tell me racism isn't real.  Tell me these discussions are overblown.  No.  It's not ok that you're racist against a certain group because of where you're from.  It's not ok to use a racial slur just because no one from the group it refers to is present.  

I want to make it clear that I'm not saying we have to be ultra PC all the time.  I told my students that my brother-in-law was black and they told me to stop being racist.  That's not racism and that level of sensitivity needs to be eliminated, but this is a real thing that real people are dealing with daily.  And it's not fair. 

Reaction to Reactions on DOMA Decision

With the Supreme Court's ruling on DOMA and Prop 8, there has been a lot of interesting kick back on my facebook and twitter feeds.  I certainly welcome the opinions of everyone and support their right to express them.  However, one frequent comment bothered me and I wanted to respond to it.  I chose this forum because I don't want to get into an argument with anyone.  

Several comments and retweets I've seen have lamented the fact that the courts in California (alternately the governor of California? I'm admittedly not super well-researched so I'm not sure which is accurate though I know the courts had at least something to do with it) had the power to overrule what the people made law via popular vote.  In my view that's a necessary part of government (that should be used on occasion only when absolutely necessary).  Majority rule minority right.  That's what this is all about.  So it didn't matter if Fauquier County, VA didn't want to integrate schools in 1970 right before my dad started kindergarten.  There wasn't a choice, even though the majority there was opposed to the integration.  The government said that you can't discriminate and separate but equal is not a thing (which I find somewhat relevant to this case as well).  People were kicking and screaming and protesting, but the minority vote has rights just like the rest and integration happened.  In my mind this is very similar (though I do completely support the right of all people (particularly those with religious reasons) to disagree with the decision).  

I fully expect Stefanie to correct me if my understanding of the legality of any of this is flawed. 

Also, if you google "supreme court gay marriage" (I was trying to find a picture) there's a cool rainbow around the search box.

Some Things

The following is a random collection of things I've been wanting(ish) to blog about.

-We had two and a half snow days this week and it was kick ass.  Also I was sick on Tuesday and took a half day (the first half of the day almost killed me or made me whiny at least).

-I have hilarious friends.  Only I have them exclusively not in a state I'm in so that's a cool story.

- I turned 24.  It was my golden birthday.

-The PTO at my school is awesome.  Monthly they bring around a treat cart with 8-15 different types of snacks to the teachers.  They stop by each classroom at least twice a day.  For February I tried the pretzel brownie, strawberry cheesecake bite, strawberry lemonade, and some other stuff I shouldn't have eaten. (Note that I don't usually eat all of it because something will turn out to be something I don't love or whatever.  Also, I don't have to justify myself to you.)

-The kindergarteners at school all made cutouts of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln for President's Day.  Every single one is black.  I love black Santa and all, but those presidents were definitely white.  I think it was a teacher error in the choosing of the construction paper, but it's hilarious.

-My dog got fixed and I had a total meltdown and figured she would never be the same and love me again.  I'm irrational inside my mind.

My life is boring.  It's so boring that I'm bored blogging about it.

The Best Thing I Found on the Internet Today

I Don't Know Things

I don't pretend to understand very many things or know anything at all.  But I know this is a good sentiment and I think it's lovely.  From A Wrinkle in Time:

"In your language you have a form of poetry called the sonnet.  It is a very strict form of poetry, is it not?"

"Yes."

"There are fourteen lines, I believe, all in iambic pentameter.  That's a very strict rhythm or meter, yes?" 

"Yes."

"And each line has to end with a rigid rhyme pattern.  And if the poet does not do it exactly this way it is not a sonnet, is it?" 

"No."

"But within this strict form the poet has complete freedom to say whatever he wants, doesn't he?"

"Yes."

"So."

"So what?"

"Oh, do not be stupid, boy! You know perfectly well what I am driving at!"

"You mean you're comparing our lives to a sonnet?  A strict form, but freedom within it?"

"Yes.  You're given the form, but you have to write the sonnet yourself.  What you say is completely up to you."

Trying to Be a Better Teacher

I've been trying to get my life together as it relates to my job.  I love teaching, but it's extremely high stress and there are lots of pressures other than the whole 17 third graders thing (Utah teachers, don't hate me for that class size).

And it's been working a little bit.  My lesson plans are working out.  I successfully used the phrases "giant ray of death", "giant line segment of death", and "giant angle of death" in  my math lesson today and it was awesome.  Turns out you're lucky if your house is built at the vertex of the giant angle of death because the rays only hit Mars and the Sun and you're ok.

The point is, I've been trying to be a better teacher and it's working for the most part.

But I can't get my own life together.  I don't stop and visit the kids and Heather (family, duh) because I need to hurry home and grade, plan, prepare, etc.  There's no time to go sit on the couch with Mom and watch Criminal Minds.  Sleep is trying it's best to go away (about 4 hours a night).  And I'm a huge anti-social loser.

The end.

So My Dad Thinks I'm Gay

Hello world.  I just realized last night that my dad thinks I'm gay (I'm not positive on this, but relatively sure). Here's the deal.

My dad is ok with gay people.  Rather, I should say my dad is ok with lesbians.  One of his best friends for the past 15 or so years is a lesbian.  He even went to her "wedding" (this was years ago so it wasn't a for real wedding, but you know what I mean).  For whatever reason though (and I thought about putting disclaimers explaining that he's from a different generation and knew some people that were gay and criminal etc, but decided not to make excuses) he says really thoughtless things regarding gays.

It's weird, because he works equal opportunity so he has to make sure everything's all equal for everyone in their jobs.  And it's not that he actually or actively discriminates against gays, but he says stupid things like:

"Who's that old fag who plays Gandalf?"

"They dress their son like a little fag."

"That guy acts like one of those homers out in San Francisco." (homer meaning homosexual)

*Note, I don't believe in saying the f-word quoted above.

Those were just a few examples, but he uses language like that all the time.  And it bothers me a lot.  And I sometimes complain about him being homophobic or at the very least not gay friendly. Anyway, I'm done the dad complaining part of this post.

Last night I went for a brief visit and dad was watching a movie.  The guy had been struck by lightning and apparently changed orientation as a strange result.  Dad says "Man, that must have been some lightning strike since that guy was gay before."  I wasn't paying much attention and decided to leave at that moment .  He quickly retracted his statement and tried to explain that he wasn't being rude etc. etc.  His comment hadn't bothered me and I only really half heard it, it was just a coincidence of timing.

Something about the way he said it, though.  I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm a lesbian.

Also since he told me I need to find a girlfriend in the area and he's not generally prone to calling regular friends girlfriends...

Resolutions

This year I'm making three resolutions.  And yeah, I'm blogging them.  All aboard the cliche blogging train - choo choo!

1) Stay in better contact with the people I actually care about.  This specifically extends to Ashley and Megan, but also to people like Brittany (who I actually feel frequently connected to via twitter), Jeff, the Francs (like, occasionally text them not about Buffy or Joss Whedon being the boss of me) and a few others.  I feel awkward mentioning names.  Maybe I should take that out.  Or maybe I'll just tell awkward to kiss my ass.
*edit: I just realized (after getting her comment) that I didn't put Britt on here.  Perhaps it's because I've been afraid to contact her since my seriously awkward email (even though I want to congratulate her on being employee of the year at her job), or some subconscious asshole maneuver or whatever.  The point is, Britt is included in the list of people with whom I want to communicate more frequently.

2) Blog and journal more frequently or at least with some consistency. I actually like blogging, my life is just boring and busy.  And I like journaling (ever since I started typing it instead of writing it a few years ago).  I think journaling specifically helps ground me sometimes.  Who knows, maybe if I blog more I'll get funny again.

3) Lose 20 pounds.  I know this doesn't seem like much, but there it is.  I wanted to make it realistic and not insanely hard, but also not too easy.  If you're fat you can lose five pounds by accident because five pounds isn't even that much.  Losing 20 and actually keeping it off will require actual work, but not insane promises I'm never going to keep like giving up the Hershey nuggets in my desk drawer at school.

Honorable mention (meaning I haven't decided if I want to do these yet):
1) Wear makeup at least 4 days a week (unless I don't have to work).
2) Do my hair with something other than 2 bobby pins once a week (ditto the not work thing from above)

There you go.