I Don't Know Things

I don't pretend to understand very many things or know anything at all.  But I know this is a good sentiment and I think it's lovely.  From A Wrinkle in Time:

"In your language you have a form of poetry called the sonnet.  It is a very strict form of poetry, is it not?"

"Yes."

"There are fourteen lines, I believe, all in iambic pentameter.  That's a very strict rhythm or meter, yes?" 

"Yes."

"And each line has to end with a rigid rhyme pattern.  And if the poet does not do it exactly this way it is not a sonnet, is it?" 

"No."

"But within this strict form the poet has complete freedom to say whatever he wants, doesn't he?"

"Yes."

"So."

"So what?"

"Oh, do not be stupid, boy! You know perfectly well what I am driving at!"

"You mean you're comparing our lives to a sonnet?  A strict form, but freedom within it?"

"Yes.  You're given the form, but you have to write the sonnet yourself.  What you say is completely up to you."

Trying to Be a Better Teacher

I've been trying to get my life together as it relates to my job.  I love teaching, but it's extremely high stress and there are lots of pressures other than the whole 17 third graders thing (Utah teachers, don't hate me for that class size).

And it's been working a little bit.  My lesson plans are working out.  I successfully used the phrases "giant ray of death", "giant line segment of death", and "giant angle of death" in  my math lesson today and it was awesome.  Turns out you're lucky if your house is built at the vertex of the giant angle of death because the rays only hit Mars and the Sun and you're ok.

The point is, I've been trying to be a better teacher and it's working for the most part.

But I can't get my own life together.  I don't stop and visit the kids and Heather (family, duh) because I need to hurry home and grade, plan, prepare, etc.  There's no time to go sit on the couch with Mom and watch Criminal Minds.  Sleep is trying it's best to go away (about 4 hours a night).  And I'm a huge anti-social loser.

The end.

So My Dad Thinks I'm Gay

Hello world.  I just realized last night that my dad thinks I'm gay (I'm not positive on this, but relatively sure). Here's the deal.

My dad is ok with gay people.  Rather, I should say my dad is ok with lesbians.  One of his best friends for the past 15 or so years is a lesbian.  He even went to her "wedding" (this was years ago so it wasn't a for real wedding, but you know what I mean).  For whatever reason though (and I thought about putting disclaimers explaining that he's from a different generation and knew some people that were gay and criminal etc, but decided not to make excuses) he says really thoughtless things regarding gays.

It's weird, because he works equal opportunity so he has to make sure everything's all equal for everyone in their jobs.  And it's not that he actually or actively discriminates against gays, but he says stupid things like:

"Who's that old fag who plays Gandalf?"

"They dress their son like a little fag."

"That guy acts like one of those homers out in San Francisco." (homer meaning homosexual)

*Note, I don't believe in saying the f-word quoted above.

Those were just a few examples, but he uses language like that all the time.  And it bothers me a lot.  And I sometimes complain about him being homophobic or at the very least not gay friendly. Anyway, I'm done the dad complaining part of this post.

Last night I went for a brief visit and dad was watching a movie.  The guy had been struck by lightning and apparently changed orientation as a strange result.  Dad says "Man, that must have been some lightning strike since that guy was gay before."  I wasn't paying much attention and decided to leave at that moment .  He quickly retracted his statement and tried to explain that he wasn't being rude etc. etc.  His comment hadn't bothered me and I only really half heard it, it was just a coincidence of timing.

Something about the way he said it, though.  I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm a lesbian.

Also since he told me I need to find a girlfriend in the area and he's not generally prone to calling regular friends girlfriends...

Resolutions

This year I'm making three resolutions.  And yeah, I'm blogging them.  All aboard the cliche blogging train - choo choo!

1) Stay in better contact with the people I actually care about.  This specifically extends to Ashley and Megan, but also to people like Brittany (who I actually feel frequently connected to via twitter), Jeff, the Francs (like, occasionally text them not about Buffy or Joss Whedon being the boss of me) and a few others.  I feel awkward mentioning names.  Maybe I should take that out.  Or maybe I'll just tell awkward to kiss my ass.
*edit: I just realized (after getting her comment) that I didn't put Britt on here.  Perhaps it's because I've been afraid to contact her since my seriously awkward email (even though I want to congratulate her on being employee of the year at her job), or some subconscious asshole maneuver or whatever.  The point is, Britt is included in the list of people with whom I want to communicate more frequently.

2) Blog and journal more frequently or at least with some consistency. I actually like blogging, my life is just boring and busy.  And I like journaling (ever since I started typing it instead of writing it a few years ago).  I think journaling specifically helps ground me sometimes.  Who knows, maybe if I blog more I'll get funny again.

3) Lose 20 pounds.  I know this doesn't seem like much, but there it is.  I wanted to make it realistic and not insanely hard, but also not too easy.  If you're fat you can lose five pounds by accident because five pounds isn't even that much.  Losing 20 and actually keeping it off will require actual work, but not insane promises I'm never going to keep like giving up the Hershey nuggets in my desk drawer at school.

Honorable mention (meaning I haven't decided if I want to do these yet):
1) Wear makeup at least 4 days a week (unless I don't have to work).
2) Do my hair with something other than 2 bobby pins once a week (ditto the not work thing from above)

There you go.