Different Place, Different Time

I've been struck a few times over the past little while by the differences in culture between different groups of people regarding simple things.  Two quick examples:

A few weeks ago I got the word "wagon" on Draw Something while playing with my sister.  This is what I drew (or attempted to draw).

Just last night I was playing Draw Something with a Mormon friend of mine.  It quickly became clear that he too got the word "wagon."  Only, this friend drew something that resembled this.

I couldn't help but chuckle as this Mormon culture clashed with my childhood culture (which wasn't filled with Pioneer days and things of that nature like many LDS folks). 

Second example.  Just before Christmas break I had to confiscate at least a half dozen of these from students for playing with them in class (excessively, I might add).  

They're called HexBugs.  Basically these little battery powered bugs scuttle around all over the top of (or in most cases inside) your desk and are fun and actually act a lot like real bugs.  

Not two weeks later I was home for Christmas break talking to my dad about my class.  I told him they sometimes played with toys in their desks while I was teaching (though I didn't tell him what they played with).  Dad started musing about the days when he would bring a woolly bear caterpillar in from recess and keep it in his desk to play with.  

If you tell me that didn't give you a chuckle, you're a liar.  I guess boys will be boys and want to play with bugs during school: only now the bugs are electronic. 

P.S. Do they even have woolly bears in Utah? 

Summer Memories

Last night I was at ward prayer writing a  nice note to someone when a smell hit me.  I couldn't place it at all, but I was overwhelmed with nostalgia.  It smelled fresh like summer and playing outside and camping in the backyard while Dad told the mayonnaise man story (maybe I'll tell you sometime, it's terrifying).  Not knowing what the smell was frustrating so I wondered allowed what it was, "Something smells like summer."  My home teacher Preston answered simply, "It's mint" as he grabbed a leaf from the flower bed and handed it to me.  I held the leaf up close to my face and inhaled deeply.  There it was.  Mint.  Summertime.  Memories.

My mom always grew mint (still does) under the spigot on the outside of our house.  I don't know how mint does it, but it grows all summer long.  When we were really young my sisters and I would pick it to make "wilderness stew" to go with our elaborate outdoor camping games (not that we would have eaten it as the other ingredients included rocks, sticks, grass, mud, and dandelions).  My grandmother dries her mint and boils it for tea all summer long.  Every time we turn on the hose the water splashes into the mint and the aroma is released.  Smelling that little mint leaf last night I was overwhelmed by these memories and taken back to a time that was simpler and in many ways happier; a time of family and neon green shorts and drinking from the hose.

Preston grabbed a piece of rosemary soon after and as I smelled that piece I remembered the herb-stuffed pork loin Mom tried (and succeeded at) making five or six years ago when she started growing lots of herbs in her garden.

I know that studies show smells bring back memories faster than pretty much any other sense, but I was not prepared to be taken back so dramatically and immediately from last night to my childhood.  The experience was a welcome (albeit brief) escape from unfriendly reality.

An Important Clarification

I think it was clear in my last post, but possibly not so I want to add it here.  I don't believe Anna, Jane, or Mary in the situation below to be bad people in any way shape or form.  I don't want it to come across like poor Anna, if only Jane and/or Mary did their duty as Mormons and friends then everything would be ok.  It's not like that.  People react to situations differently and I just wanted to address some thinking that seems to be prevalent in this culture.  

Thanks, all.  Also I certainly appreciate the thoughtful comments that have already been left on the previous post. 

On Religion

The LDS Church is losing YSA (that's young single adult, for those less informed) members at a rapid rate.  I've seen some sources refer to the loss as "bleeding" or even "hemorrhaging" members from this demographic.  Here's a link to just one article that quotes Elder Marlin Jensen in case you're not believing me: article.

I want to share with you a conversation I was privy to awhile ago that I think exposes some of the reasons these members are leaving at such a rapid rate.  All names are changed (and some context) to protect the innocent.

Mary, Jane, and Anna are girls in their early twenties living in Provo.  The three had been having another conversation that eventually led to the topic of religion.  Anna is on the outside edge of current Mormonism and has been struggling to find her faith for 18 months or so and is instead finding more questions than answers.

When the topic of Proposition 8 comes up Anna mentions that the Church should not have, in her opinion, gotten involved in campaigning against it and that she doesn't care if gays get married or not.  Mary is quiet, Jane is vocal.  Jane says that the prophet (and apostles) should be followed exactly and they stood so adamantly and specifically against it that she can't help but following.  Mary expresses her belief that it doesn't matter much whether gays get married or not citing this graph.

Where then, queries Jane, do you draw the line and decide you will and won't listen to the prophets?  Questioning can lead to too much questioning, she warns, and you should follow with exactness.  Anna is interested and expresses her frustration with that sentiment as as a reason she can't realign with the church.  Where can someone like Anna discuss her problems?  Go to the scriptures says Jane.  What about things the scriptures don't address?  Jane suggests talking to the bishop.  Anna expresses her frustration that these roads lead to few actual answers and mostly ideas of "pray more often."  

The conversation gets more heated, though not argumentative.  Anna brings up topics that bother her (which I won't site here lest it bring up questions for someone that doesn't want them) and Jane responds to some.  Most often with ideas about following the prophets and just staying aligned until we know more and how things are uncertain.  Anna compares blindly following that strictly to "drinking poison kool-aid" a la Jim Jones, but to a lesser degree.  Mary chimes in and says it's different because the prophets will never ask someone to drink poison kool-aid.  Anna asks how she can be sure.  Both Jane and Mary affirm that men led by God wouldn't do something like that. 

Anna again goes back to the questions in the church's past that seem strange and asks about the prophets and apostles being human and where the line of human error is drawn.  The conversation is getting more heated and Mary is visibly frustrated.  Anna turns to Jane and says that the conversation should probably stop as Mary is getting offended (these three are friends, remember?).  Mary asks what Anna expects when she attacks her beliefs and shoots them down left and right.  The situation deteriorates from there. 

Here's an unrelated picture of a basset hound puppy to break up the monotony of the text. 

There's the story.  Not many specific details, I know, but enough for you to follow my line of thought...I think.  So, we have these three girls.  Anna, the "struggler" and Jane and Mary the "in line with the standards and beliefs of the church" members.  All three living in the Provo bubble of Mormondom.  None of the girls are breaking any major church rules or commandments (I mean, who doesn't break some rule at some point by listening to a song they shouldn't or whatever.  No one is perfect).  

I think the point of this is my desire to highlight Anna's predicament.  In this conversation she is among friends trying to honestly discuss religion.  The reason Anna chooses to push and ask Mary and Jane her questions is not to try and sway them or to attack their beliefs, but to have someone push back on her.  There is no forum for that.  Anna can go to the Church that is not very specific on many many things and frowns on questioning or can look to sources on the internet which are predominantly written by ex-Mormons trying to draw others away.  When Anna tried to have this conversation with her friends at least one of them was offended and got defensive at Anna's apparent attack on her beliefs.  

What, then, is Anna to do?  Where is she to go?  She's in the Provo bubble with not very many people to talk to about the situation and some serious issues to be worked out.  Here's my point.  No one is looking after this group of young adults: not their bishops, not their friends, not their families, no one.  So they're left alone.  What happens when they're left alone?  They feel alienated and leave the church that they don't see as caring for them or providing answers to their questions; they leave the church of their childhood.  And that's just sad.  

I know you love my random breaking up the monotony pictures. 

My recommendation?  When your friends let you know they have questions or they don't believe in God or they're struggling with the idea of following the prophet then love them.  Love them so much they might die of so much love.  And don't be easy on them.  Push.  Ask what they believe and why they believe it.  Get them to defend their belief or disbelief.  Don't smother them, of course.  Don't push when they're in a state of irritation.  Similarly, don't avoid the topic of religion.  Not talking about Jesus just because they're in the room or not praying at a meal they're invited to is probably not helpful.  It doesn't show that religion is important to you and sets no example for the Anna's in the world.  Lastly, try and be kind and understanding to these people.  Know that in most cases they're not people looking for a reason to be wicked or a way to justify their sins.  Most likely something bad happened to them or in their life and it made them question and they got lost.  Help them back, don't leave them in the cold.  There's no one else out there to take care of the Anna's in your life if you don't do it.  If the Marys and the Janes don't come forward then it's likely that no one will and most of the Annas will be lost. 

On Anger

*Note: I wrote and rewrote this post several times and it was originally much more lengthy, but I just wanted to get to the point, thus you have this condensed post.

I want to let you know up front (for those Mormons who read my blog) that I've been planning this post in my head for probably 24 hours or so and it's pure coincidence that this topic was brought up somewhat this morning.

Moving on.  I've been thinking about anger a lot over the last few days.  Anger and hot-tempers run in my family. We're grudge holders and yellers and silent-treatment givers and at times hitters. I know all about anger.

Sometimes you're angry and you have good reason.  This is called being justified in your anger.  I've been sitting around angry, in a way I feel is justified, for weeks.  In my mind people have done things directly against me and I have the right to be angry.

And you know what? You (I) can do that.  I'm fine if you (I) do that, I feel like it's a reasonable thing to do, but here's the thing.  You're only hurting yourself.  Nobody actually gives a shit if you're angry.  So do it.  Sit there and be angry because you deserve to be and people are mean to you.  But realize you're going to be sitting there all alone and no one is going to come to realize they've been mean and apologize.

My new found knowledge?  Just let it go.  Fake it 'til you make it if you need to, but show that meanness or whatever isn't going to destroy your life.  Keep being nice to the people that are hurting you and then maybe they'll stop hurting you.